Photo by Armando Lay.

This boy here is Lukas - he's not shy, but was playing peek a boo with me when i interviewed his father yesterday at the Dom Bosco camp. He was one of the three children identified as severely malnourished and needed to be sent to the hospital for treatment.You know how they say, every cloud has a silver lining? I think that if not for this emergency and them being at the camp, Lukas may not have been identified as malnourished and put on treatment until it's too late. Lukas was very bright despite clearly underweight. Thankfully there were many other children who were healthy, very bright clever eyes. 'Matenek los!' i have to say.

I went to the Canossian sister's IDP camp on Friday and met a girl who was in the English mass choir. She came and hugged me. She had lost so much weight but still had a smile on her face...

Photo by Armando Lay.

Clothes of some staff living in our compound, some of their homes have been destroyed by gangs, while others do not dare to return home as their other relatives have fled to the districts.

Will blog more when i have the time! Don't forget Timor!

Peaceful ---- so far

There was great tension today as Dili residents fearfully awaited for the 200 truckloads of demonstrators from the eastern districts to arrive. These protestors or so-called 'Alkatiri supporters' had been held off at Hera and Metinaro for nearly two days by the foreign troops so as to prevent a face-off with the westerners who had hung around from last Friday till yesterday. Apparently, Xanana appealed to the westerners to leave. This afternoon, the demonstrators were escorted into the city by the foreign troops promising to be peaceful. Not wanting any trouble, the troops had searched them one by one to make sure that weapons were confiscated before allowing anyone into Dili. This took a long time and it was only at 4pm did we see the protestors ride by outside the office, raising the brilliantly beautiful Timorese flag and shouting their slogans.

STRANGELY, for people who were supposedly calling for Xanana's exit (as we had heard), they were shouting 'Viva Xanana! Viva ALkatiri!' all in one breath! They certainly behaved rather differently from the guys I saw a few days ago who had trundled down Becora - led by a noisy motorbike rally, and many honking vehicles, shouting, screaming youth (including women) some painted in white, red and other colours. In contrast, these guys here (as far as my few minutes' of seeing them rumble by) were a lot more subdued. The trucks, it seemed, were not as packed. The guys less energetic. So far, there's been no news of violence from them. They'll be parked near the port tonight - presumably under heavy guard just to ensure there'll be no trouble.

Let's see what tomorrow or tonight will bring.

censorship - how much of an evil is it?

Back in Dili now, I initially rejoiced because the day I started work Mari Alkatiri resigned from his post ---- and people were happy. But then yesterday, troubles began again after he met his supporters in Hera (east of Dili city) and made more incendiary remarks about east versus west. The foreign troops are trying to keep the big groups of protestors apart, and keeping the easterners out of the city parked in Hera.

But right after Mari's remarks on TV, like 5 minutes after, the stoning and burning began again. Once again, the westerners in Dili are targetting their eastern neighbours.

I keep hearing news from outside. Like the handful of journalists from RTTL attacked this morning as people think they are Mari supporters for putting out the news. It makes me wonder if sometimes censorship to some extent is necessary. Instead of broadcasting his speech in his entirety, could they not have paraphrased what he said and perhaps lessen its inflammatory impact? It doesn't help that the politicians here shoot themselves in the foot all the time with their words, and now there's also the media simply publishes everything under the sky.

When do we draw the line how much 'news' we report?

hein hela

i'm twiddling my thumbs here at home, waiting for news that i can return to timor. anytime now they say. but then sometimes, they call and say, no don't come, something's brewing. other days, when peace seems to hang briefly, the outlook is more positive... but generally it seems that those i speak to know that this peace that is suspended over most parts of Dili is an artificial one, hanging on the threads that are the international troops. So while i wait, all i can do is to help to edit the occasional story or press release. But it's hard to stay involved when you're so far away.
I've heard that an ultimatum has been issued to Alkatiri to resign, as well as one to Alfredo to return with his arms. I can't seem to corroborate this with the commercial media so that puzzles me. Anyways, seems like the ultimatum for both A-lpha males to say 'i quit' lands squarely on the same day and thus many people are readying themselves again for a showdown of some sort. Dili might get 'HOT' or manas again. Once again, may i stress that my blog is not a news service and that should anyone have more accurate info, please let me know!

peace march on international children's day

My aunt once said the world would never find peace until men fell at their women's feet and asked for forgiveness.
Jack Kerouac

I posted the famous Beat poet's quote in my blog last October and have now found occasion to repost it again after hearing that there are plans to have a PEACE MARCH in Dili led by a women's network TOMORROW. I learnt this just today from a colleague who is planning to join in to show support. That is the best piece of news yet coming out of Dili which has been subject to gun battles and marauding rival gangs. I really hope that this peace march gets news coverage and that it is successfully and peacefully carried out. Apparently the organisers are motivating women from camps to join in the march - but some are fearful because of their children and also due to the trauma.

I've read before reports that say if women were rulers of nation, there would be less war and less corruption. What those reports were based upon, I'm not sure but I sure know that the Timorese who were wielding guns and machetes were mostly men. Ok, to be fair, I do have a friend who was a former guerilla fighter and she's a woman, and yes, we have heard alot about the female guerilla/ resistance fighters in the Vietnam War, the Khmer Rouge and of course the Timorese resistance. But most times, you have to admit this, it is the MEN who form the majority of the fighting. As for corruption, I can't say but some detractors say it's only because women have not been in positions of authority where they milk bribes. Anyways, what i have seen is that even when families can't afford to send children to school, husbands still clutch handfuls of dollar notes to gamble in the local markets in Timor. Hey, i'm not a man hater but it really just makes me wonder what IF the government had 90% women and 10% men - would it make a big difference? Which country is ready for this experiment?

So what do you think? If all the men in Timor now fell at the feet of their wives, and ask for forgiveness, would peace finally reign in Timor?

Significantly but very sadly JUNE 1 (which is tomorrow) is the International Children's Day - a day that we had been planning in earnest with the Government's Human Right Office and various other partners. My colleagues had begun meeting sometime in March to discuss plans for a national celebration, a poetry contest etc etc etc. A day that was supposed to be filled with happy faces, rousing music, beautiful sweet voices and HOPE. That all just evaporated with the first gun shot.

I'm really glad that some energetic women have still got the courage to put together the peace march, and perhaps that might remind these warring factions to put down their weapons and to consider their children and their future.


VIVA TIMOR LORO'SAE!

where're the timorese reporters?

I read the columnist Jeremy Wagstaff's comment about the dearth of timorese reporting (online) on this ongoing chaos and responded with the comment that a lot of the local reporters i know of are actually assisting foreign reporters at this moment - translating and bringing them to places.

In fact, last Saturday at the airport, I saw photojournalist Suzanna Cardoso who is pregnant still wielding a camera and with the Asahi Shimbun reporter. I touched her tummy, and grabbed her skinny forearm, and said "kuidado" or "be careful". What else could i say? She said she had no choice because with the baby coming, she needed money and this was something she had to do. Sitting next to me was Rosa Garcia who has only one week ago given birth assisting another japanese TV journalist at the airport. And from calls, i know that Francisco who heads the Timor Leste Media Development Centre has been assisting Voice of America these few days. There are many others like them.

in fact, when troubles first began late april, the local PBS called RTTL (radio tv timor leste) was doing an admirable job of reporting on the development of events. They had reporters travelling to the district of Aileu to interview Major Reinado, and rushing back in time for the evening's news. They also borrowed the portable transmitter from Radio Rakambia and went out to the districts in the bid to relay radio and tv news so that those who had ran to the hills could hear the information. At that point in time, there was calm in Dili despite the persistent rumours that civil war was going to take place and that people should desert the city (ok so it did come true eventually but that's something to debate about in another blog) . In fact, a radio team that went to Suai to do so was nearly attacked by a mob for being 'pro-government' by broadcasting news of peace in Dili which was the FACT at that time. So yes, the RTTL has done a really good job considering the odds.

And also because this conflict is close to them - each reporter is either a 'west' or an 'east' and so they also while trying to focus on reporting, have on the back of their minds if their homes are still standing or not. Plus the fact that many are not fluent in english and if they blog or report in tetum, how many would read it?

Anyways, just my personal thoughts. I wanted to share a part of an email i received yesterday from a timorese friend. He told me it's ok to share it online cos i explained to him that people want to hear what timorese feels.NOTE: this was before it was annoucned that the oz troops will hv more power to disarm the gangs.


I was so pleased to receive your calling; you gave me a spirit of life. I
have been staying in the office for 4 nights and don't know yet to return to
my own home.

Our leaders have not come yet to a decision to stop the violence even Ausi
troops are hopeless to arrest those who involved in the crimes instead of
showing power.

My country likes no leaders and no one care to other's life, people killed
each other just like a chicken and no human values exist in the country.

HELP IS ON HAND. BUT JUST A LITTLE OUT OF REACH!

PICTURE by Bishnu Pokrel, Water & Sanitation Project Officer, UNICEF Timor-Leste
Date: 290506
A brave smile despite the mounting difficulties of staying inside a camp for Internally Displaced People. Aid agencies and the UN agencies are desperately trying to reach out to the thousands in camps near and in Dili.


UNICEF's Press Release dated 29 may 2006.

HELP IS ON HAND. BUT JUST A LITTLE OUT OF REACH!
Deteriorating security situation prevents immediate relief reaching thousands who have sought refuge within camps in Dili


29th May, Dili - For nearly 50,000 people in 35 camps in the capital city of Dili, Timor-Leste, relief is still not in sight due to the deteriorating security situation. Nearly 20,000 of these were already living in camps having fled from their homes after the 28th April disturbances. The Inter-agency humanitarian assistance group set up last month and led by the Ministry of Labour and Community Reinsertion, comprising UNICEF among others, is prepared to move in with essential supplies to these camps. But this help is just a little bit out of reach for those who need it most.

Timorese residents of Dili - fearing attacks on their properties and themselves - have moved out of their homes into several overcrowded locations in and around Dili. Many people have left the capital for district areas, while others remain in Dili seeking safety and shelter in churches, schools, the airport, and many other locations. Children are exposed to physical and mental trauma and unsanitary living conditions in these camps, some of which house nearly 2000 persons against an original capacity of just 300 or so. At least on-third of this number are children below 14 years old.

UNICEF, as a critical member of the UN Inter-agency humanitarian assistance task force, is conducting assessments within camps, procuring essential supplies, briefing the national and international media and coordinating with the interagency group.

Bishnu Pokhrel, UNICEF WES officer conducted assessments on 28th May in two locations in Fatumeta and Bairo Pite, both of which are overburdened with people fleeing from their homes. These locations, like many others in Dili are fast running out of food and water supply. He confirmed that the conditions were unsanitary in these camps and it was only a matter of time before diseases began affecting these people.

UNICEF is specifically responsible for water and sanitation facilities to be beefed up within these camps, and also attend to the immediate protection of children from neglect and abuse and that children are given opportunities for being involved in activities to stimulate and engage them.

UNICEF has placed orders for basic family water kits, tarpaulin, water tanks, field water testing kits, squatting plates for latrines and school-in-a-box kits.

However, the unstable security situation has prevented access to some areas where there are people in need. If the security situation does not improve, it is possible that the humanitarian crisis could worsen significantly. As long as the situation is so fluid, it is difficult to move freely to distribute relief supplies.

“This causes greater stress on women and their children, who are now faced with no food, are exposed to unsafe water and unclean surroundings. This means that infants and children will be at risk of infections and over a long term, malnutrition”, said Ms.Shui-Meng Ng, UNICEF Representative.

UNICEF along with the Inter-Agency Humanitarian Assistance Group has been delivering assistance until 25th May, after people in Dili were displaced from their homes during the days following the 28th April disturbances. The Inter-Agency Humanitarian Assistance Group is comprised of the following agencies, led by the Ministry of Labour and Reinsertion, Government of Timor-Leste; WHO, UNICEF, IOM, UNDP, UNFPA, WFP, International Red Cross, Cruz Vermelha De Timor-Leste (National Red Cross), Oxfam Australia, Plan international, Health net, Red Cross and Care International, Catholic Relief Services, Caritas Australia.

For more information, contact:

Madhavi Ashok, Communication Officer
HP: +670 7231103
Email – mashok@unicef.org

dili burning

Just received news that some of my colleagues' homes have been burnt. The situation in dili seems to be yoyo-ing --- from good to bad very quickly. everytime i call back to Dili, there's something new. One moment, all is peaceful and quiet and UNICEF staff able to return home. The next time i call, they're back again in the UN compound, with grim news like that.

One of those whose house was burnt had succeeded narrowly to protect her home just a few days ago. She had returned to the office on Wednesday in a very emotional state. She cried and said, " If they want to kill me, let them but please, ask them to spare the children."

Yes, spare the children.

They are the most innocent ones who are suffering the most in this chaos.

The ones who went through the massacres in 99 are now reliving their horrible time. The memories that might have been dulled with six years of normality must become freshly vivid again. The young ones who have never experienced 99 are now being dragged along by their fleeing families or seeking shelter in crowded camp conditions. They are now experiencing what their older siblings went through. Already many children in Timor are malnourished due to the high level of poverty in the country, so all that this chaos has done is to worsen the condition. The rains pouring down has not helped either, with malaria & dengue-bearing mosquitoes also on the loose.

It's ironic how before, we had been trying to persuade donors that even though the emergency period in Timor was officially over but still needed as much resources as before to assure that the children grow up in a protective environment, where there is education, food, and expression of their rights. You see, donors (read you, me, countries, govts) often shift funds to 'emergencies' around the world. it's as if, we simply drop off their radars. So it's ironic how this crisis would pull the radar back to this country. I'd really rather it didn't happen this way.

i'm attaching the latest presser from UN here.


UN INTER-AGENCY HUMANITARIAN ASSISTANCE GROUP CONTINUES TO ATTEND TO NEEDS OF IDP’S LOCATED WITHIN DILI

28 May, 2006/ Dili; The Inter-Agency Humanitarian Assistance Group has drawn up a plan to rapidly deliver much needed emergency supplies to Internally Displaced People (IDPs) congregated at more than 35 makeshift camps throughout the city of Dili.

Relief efforts continue and will be stepped up as soon as the security situation eases. The group, led by the Ministry of Labour and Community Reinsertion is comprised of UN agencies and local and international NGO’s.

A spokesperson for the group, Mr Luis Vieira from IOM, said today that food and water has now been distributed to over 30 camps by government staff. However, the unstable security situation has prevented access to some areas where there are people in need.

“If the security situation does not improve, it is possible that the humanitarian crisis could worsen significantly. Families are in need of basic supplies such as food, water, and sanitation to protect against disease, but as long as the situation is so fluid, it is difficult to move freely to distribute relief supplies.” he said.

The last known number of people displaced from their homes is over 50,000, although this is thought to have increased significantly over the last few days. Many people have left the capital for district areas, while others remain in Dili seeking safety and shelter in churches, schools, the airport, and many other locations.

“This causes greater stress on women and their children who are now faced with no food, are exposed to unsafe water and unclean surroundings. This means that infants and children will be at risk of infections and over a long term, malnutrition”, said Ms.Shui-Meng Ng, UNICEF Representative.

The Inter-Agency Humanitarian Assistance Group has been delivering assistance until 25th of May, after people in Dili were displaced from their homes during the days following the 28th April disturbances.

The UN Special Representative to the Secretary General, Sukehiro Hasegawa stressed that humanitarian work is continuing. “The most recent unrest has disrupted these efforts, but as much as possible supplies are being distributed wherever and whenever we can access. This effort is ready to be stepped up as soon as the security situation eases up, which we are working on, in conjunction with the Australian Security Forces.”

The Inter-Agency Humanitarian Assistance Group is comprised of the following agencies, led by the government of Timor-Leste; WHO, UNICEF, IOM, UNDP, UNFPA, WFP, International Red Cross, Cruz Vermelha De Timor-Leste (National Red Cross), Oxfam Australia, Plan international, Health net, Red Cross and Care International, Catholic Relief Services, Caritas Australia.

RED CROSS TIMOR-LESTE APPEAL

Red Cross has launched an appeal to support the people affected by the current unrest in Timor-Leste.

Up to fifty thousand people are estimated to have left their homes because of the violence and are living in makeshift camps around the country.

Funds raised by the Australian Red Cross Timor-Leste Appeal will help provide food and other relief items such as tarpaulins, tents, house hold items, and mosquito nets, as well as logistical and communications support.

'By launching this appeal we can help with the immediate needs of those who have fled their homes,' said Robert Tickner, CEO of Australian Red Cross.

'However this appeal will also help us to contribute to the longer-term development of Australia's closest neighbour. Our commitment to supporting the people of Timor-Leste and the Timor-Leste Red Cross must extend beyond this current situation as Timor-Leste remains the poorest country in the region,' he said.

'Support for projects which improve the health and wellbeing of the people are central to nation-building.'

According to Mr Tickner, the fledgling Timor-Leste Red Cross has been working closely with the Timor-Leste Government over the past week, helping distribute food and other relief supplies as well as monitoring the state of the more than 30 camps that have sprung up across the country.

In Australia, Red Cross staff and volunteers in Darwin have been registering people evacuated from Timor-Leste, collecting their details and entering them into the National Registration and Inquiry System (NRIS). Family and friends seeking information on people being evacuated can contact the Red Cross on 08 8924 3900.

To donate to the 'Timor-Leste Appeal':

Visit www.redcross.org.au to make a secure online donation
all 1800 811 700 toll free
send a cheque to GPO Box 2957 Melbourne VIC 8060 marked 'Timor-Leste Appeal'

The funds raised through this appeal will be used for the following activities:
to support the relief, rehabilitation and on-going long term development activities of the Red Cross and Red Crescent movement in Timor-Leste, through the emergency appeal

to fund any deployment of specialist aid workers to Timor-Leste to assist in the International Red Cross response

to support any Australian Red Cross programs of assistance in Timor-Leste

to support the ongoing development of the Timor Leste Red Cross (CVTL)

NOTE: Australian Red Cross will not deduct more than 10% of any donation for an international appeal to cover appeal costs. Should the funds raised exceed the amount required to meet the immediate and longer-term needs of the people in the affected areas, Australian Red Cross will use any excess funds to help people affected by emergencies within the same region of the world

back home safely - but what about those left behind?

I think the impact of leaving hit me the moment i got onto the UNICEF car and was driven out of the UN compound towards the Australian Embassy. The tears just would not stop rolling down my cheeks. The pain was indescribable. I hugged Madhu, and the other colleagues - there was so much confusion, dilemma, sadness, anguish all together at the same time. I had made the decision to leave very quickly - when there was a window of opportunity to leave according to the security guys - and i was given the permission instantly by my chief. In my mind, i was thinking whether i did the right thing, and i was feeling so painfully guilty for leaving my colleagues behind, and yet thinking of my parents back home all at the same time. This must be the anguish felt by every single person who had to take that terrible choice of going - leaving - it's like a bad bad tear in your heart. At that time, the security phase was still at 2 although the situation was still worsening. I felt horrid because it was not time to leave yet, something inside me propelled me to go when another consultant asked to leave.

When i got to the Embassy, things were still quiet. I got my OZ visa very quickly - without having to fill in pages of forms like the others there and was asked to wait for the C-130 that would be coming any time. At that time, SIF calls to say that a JICA-chartered International SOS flight was coming and that since i was also under ISOS, i could hop onto that flight. The decision was finally taken to join the JICA flight since there were so many people clamouring for the Darwin military flight and fewer on the JICA flight so if i left with ISOS, there would be at least one more seat available for anyone else going out. Very soon after, a group of singaporeans arrived at the embassy too and i left with Armando back to his place for a shower (i was really dirty after 48 hours without a bath) and then returned to the embassy again for the pick up. By that time, the embassy doors was packed with Chinese nationals desperate to get in too. But sadly, they had to wait for a long while as the OZ govt took a long time to process their visas. Even Armando's family was not allowed to get their visas as they were asking for things like bank statements etc to prove their financial independence. Armando's australian passport was only helpful to himself so he refused to be evacuated until he could find some way of getting his family out too.

I parted ways with him at 5pm at the airport when i pushed him to return home while there was still light. The whole afternoon had been pretty peaceful with the OZ soldiers securing the main road leading from town to the airport. We hugged and said our goodbyes, and prayed that we'll see each other very soon. The plane finally took off at 8pm and we landed at Halim international about 930pm indon time and was sent to the hotel by ISOS representatives whom i must say did a superb job bringing us from one point to another.

The next morning, while in jakarta, i received news that the UN was in phase 3 and non-essential staff already asked to evacuate. It turned out that i had made a timely decision as my leaving meant one less person for them to worry, especially since i was a volunteer.

It's been 3 days since Friday when i left Dili. Seems like a long time, my concept of days all blurred up as so many things happened since Tuesday. I've been making calls to the friends in Dili to find out how they are. Some have evacuated, while others have stayed behind because their jobs demand they do that. We can only pray for their safety and trust that they make all the best decisions to stay safe.

I'm still struggling with the guilt in some ways. It's not like you clean out your memory drive when you land in Changi Airport. No, the images stay in the mind, the people you care for who are left behind, - there's a sense of helplessness too.

wounded

I saw a familiar face in the UN medical clinic as I tried to see how I could help out. Someone had asked for anyone with first aid experience to chip in to help the wounded Police men and women that had been brought into the UN compound. At first, i didn't recognise me but later I realise that this was the police friend that a fellow Singaporean trusted a lot. He was laying wounded on the bed, in agony, wishing he could die and be spared the pain. I held his hand tightly - nothing else i could do. His wounds were dressed, just awaiting surgery.

In the clinic, there was no time to feel fear or sadness. We just tried to see how we could help, with instructions from the (thankfully) many doctors working in the UN system. I put on gloves and tried to clean some wounds, bandage some, and comfort others - holding their hands and talking to them, trying to reassure them. I don't think I was 'feeling' anything at that moment. NONE of us did, we just did what was necessary.

One guy was going into shock, thankfully a good Timorese doctor started a second IV drop that pulled him back from the brink of death. He had a big gash on his hip, his legs, his arms. He was floating in between consciousness. I held his arm, and tried talking to him, kept asking him to pray and be brave. I was relieved when he finally grabbed my fingers in response. I hope he's doing alright now in hospital.

Earlier when the first wounded policeman was carried in with four bullet wounds on his chest, (this was just outside where everyone had gathered), it really was an emotional scene. my tears just kept rolling down, and i kept saying 'Hail Marys' and 'Our Fathers' to calm myself down. My heart bled for the women and children who would lose their fathers today. I cried out to the Lord to put sense back into these men's minds. Today is the DAY OF OBLIGATION for the Ascension of the Lord! This is all so wrong.

The police man died.

NO ONE should die this way.

i'm not bothering to say what actually happened today cos even if i do, it doesn't make sense. war fare makes no sense. We should simply ban guns around the world.

Pray for peace my friends, if you're reading

so do i exist or not?

So, i get an email from Singapore international Foundation saying:

"MFA has issued a public travel advisory last night."
From CNA:"It is ... advising Singaporeans who reside there to leave while commercial flights are available. "

My question is to WHOM did MFA issue this advisory to? Cos I surely DID NOT receive one phone call or sms from MFA officials sitting in their cushy offices at Minden Road. also, they shouldn't be expecting us to be able to watch CNA here - it's only available if you have satellite access.

So was the MFA really issuing out the advisory warning to people in Timor or for people in Singapore to 'see' that they are?

I've heard that there's been some calling but hey, there're only 40 something of us here and yet, no one has yet dialed my number.. HELLO! Do i exist or not? Anyways, to set the record straight, i'm not expecting them to really say anything useful to me when they call and I feel a lot safer here under the UN umbrella.

Also, they have tasked a non-civil servant (read unpaid) singaporean who's big hearted enough to call everyone here in Dili. Ok, fine,she missed me out too, but can i blame her? Here's ONE person in Dili having crap telecommunications abilities to call 40 plus people. Come on MFA, surely you have enough officers to do that in Singapore. The satellite phone provided also didn't work by the way.

If the government is sincere in ADVISING singaporeans to leave, they should pick up their phones from their cosy seats in singapore to call us or SMS us. OR like what Australia has done - arrange a flight out for singaporeans. ACTION more than talk please. As i write this, Australia has already evacuated 60 persons back to Darwin.

"Singaporeans who wish to leave Timor Leste but who have encountered difficulties doing so should also contact the ministry, whose Duty Office is open 24 hours."

BUT WAIT, just above this line was this:

It is also advising Singaporeans who reside there to leave while commercial flights are available.

In fact, someone did call the MFA and was advised to take the Merpati flight back! DUDE! if we could, would we be calling you??? COME ON! GET REAL!

Ok, and for concerned MFA folks reading this blog, if you do send a chopper to get us, please ensure that we can get to the airport safely too. Ok, perhaps you think that's too much to ask of you but the reality is, no matter how many choppers you send, we won't be able to get out of Timor unless there's a safe passage TO the airport. That's one reason why not more AUstralians are making their way to the airport which is to the left of the city and at least 20 minutes ride away.

Also, I refuse to leave if it means having to endanger a driver's life to send me there. Say, i happen to get there in one piece, who can guarantee the driver's safety on his way back? What if he gets hurt going back to the UN compound? Can i bear that guilt?

Anyways, for now, it's safer to hunker down instead of running amok - into any possible cross fire.

The gunfire is still ringing in the night.
A flare is up in the sky.
A plane is trying to land in pitch darkness.
I'm sleeping on a cold hard floor tonight - but what about the thousands with no mosquito nets, no shelter, no warm food, out there?

crackling through the air

"Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr brrrrrrrrrrrrr brrrrrrrrrrrrr"..... a rapid shower of automatic gunfire rung through the hills.

Yesterday i heard for the first time, since troubles began, the volley of gun fire with my own ears.

Then came the dull, heavy "BOOM BOOM BOOM" exploding in the far distance. A few of us gathered outside the Kobe Huts in the UN compound and stared intently into the hills behind us. We could not see any action but could surely hear it.

Instead of feeling terrified, I thought of how this crackling reminds me of joyous occasions. Probably the only time a normal Singaporean (read non-soldier or police) hears or sees this sort of pyrotechnic action is during our National Day Parade when we're treated to a spectacular ear-deafening fireworks show, with colourful patterns exploding into the skies - swirls, bright pinpricks, and even smiley faces. This loud crackling is synonmous with joy and celebration, not fear and anguish as it usually is in other parts of the world.

In that short moment of my revelry, I was once again reminded of how lucky and perhaps how divorced from reality most Singaporeans are. Can we even understand the terror and fear in the hearts of the children and families as they flee from their homes - bags of rice, clothings, plastic pails and cooking stoves ladened on their heads, shoulders and their backs? The UN compound is filling up again with families fearing that they might be attacked. Two weeks ago when the families came, it was propelled by baseless rumours of impending civil war. Now, they are here because the fighting has begun.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like there are armed men riding up and down the streets fighting and that we're in danger of the crossfire. The fighting is still concentrated up in the hills behind us but we can hear them well. But riding on the confusion are some people who are taking the opportunity to seek vengeance on those who may have offended them before - setting their homes on fire on the pretext that they're from 'east' or 'west' of Timor.

This morning I woke up to the staccato notes of automatic guns. What a strange morning call it is, I would prefer a crowing cock, thank you. As I lie in bed, listening to the sporadic bursts echoing through the cold morning air, I hear an interview on ABC Radio about Australian troops getting ready to land here to restore peace. The interviewer is asking Alexander Downer if the OZ soldiers would be able to deal with the Timorese soldiers - the same troops they had helped to train. Apparently one of the Commanders, Major Alfredo, who took some of his Military Police men up the hills, had even been in Australia before.

For me, it is not so much that but more the question of whether while focusing on training the Timorese soldiers on war fare and strategy, did the Australians ever think of transferring soft skills of leadership, conflict resolution and management? This question is not aimed just at the Australian troop trainers but at all the 'capacity-building' advisors and trainers that this country has seen too many of. It forces us all to reflect if we have helped at all.

This issue of the discrimination in the army is not a new one. In fact, the splintering signs began as early as 2002 when some soldiers had quit in protest. Today's situation of the 594 who quit is simply it boiling over. Major Alfredo's team that broke away too is a clear sign that there is no credible leadership within the army nor the government.

It's all too easy for arm chair critics to say what has gone wrong, what could have been done, or who's to blame etc. But it is plain to see that a much earlier intervention and a more consultative leadership would have defused the situation. The government's credibility is suffering because the people say it has not listened to their concerns and has pushed them over to resorting to violence and civil disobedience.

Someone asked me a few months back to reflect on my time here and what i have learnt as an SIF (Singapore International Foundation)volunteer. I think at this point in time, besides the larger political complexities, it is clearer than ever before a reliable media and telecommunications infrastructure!

Case in point: G called me in Maubisse - she's still stuck there because there are no transport going back into Dili. Although only 3 hours away from Dili, they are unable to receive any radio or tv signals from the country's public broadcasting service. Instead, they are relying on ABC Radio from Australia! Go figure. We have long bemoaned the country's dismal telecommunications infrastructure because it has impacted to some extent UNICEF's children's radio programme in the community radio stations. But this political fraca has really highlighted the urgent need for reliable transmitters that can inform the population of what's happening in the country.

I feel that this lack of information from Dili over the last few years, and hence the lack of mental intimacy with the central government makes it hard for the people in the districts to connect back to Dili. I'm in a hungry to end this blog now. will continue again another time. We hear gunfire outside our compound.

Tata

God's tears and we swim in S***

The heavens opened this afternoon and has not stopped pouring tears down upon Timor. I joked that it was God trying to intervene in the 'hot' situation here in Dili - perhaps this would cool things down, and maybe make the rioting wild men sick from a bad bad cold and then they have to rest instead of making trouble. Another friend just smsed me the same thought.
But guess what? While God shed tears for Timor, we - here - are getting flooded thanks to bad piping and drainage system(read = bad fengshui) in the UN compound.
Our section, which together with the Education folks occupies the Kobe Hut #5, has the seat of honour next to the septic tanks - so every two days when the trucks come, we take in some strong scents concocted by Mother Nature. I'm still figuring out whom I can sue when my lungs fill up with thick layers of organic fertilisers. But that's a story for another day.
What's more URGENT here, is that we're in danger of the flood waters bursting into the loose lids of the septic tank because water keeps draining out the compound next to ours, right into our area! We even have to wade our way to the loos which are behind the kobe hut and in shin-deep waters.

But wait... hang on... as I pound this out onto my PC, the rains have stopped. It's coming to a trickle.... yes! Hallelujah! But the scene outside has not changed. I'll have to get wet to get home now...

All i can say is God sure is humourous.

ema whisperer

"You heard the latest yet?"

Hushed tones. conspiracy. apprehension. curiousity. rumours.

Explode into craziness.

This is what is tearing this country apart

- whispers of news with explosive effects.

Armando & I were at Peace Park last Friday night attending a poetry and art night about peace and love. The poets were reading out their poems in hushed tones, somewhat subdued by the ongoing tension. Then someone remarked "why are we whispering when it comes to peace? but why is it that when it's about war and violence, people shout. why don't we shout about love?"

He made a great point - why is it that one rumour can send tens of thousands of people fleeing from their homes so effectively and in contrast, only 30 people turned up for this poetry reading?

Remember that Robert Redford movie "The Horse Whisperer" about a guy who tamed wild horses by connecting with them and gaining their trust? Perhaps we now need a few "People whisperer" here in this country - not the police, not the military, not peacekeeping forces. Read this interesting article of how a real life Horse Whisperer has been called in to 'tame' children in the UK...

maybe he should come to Timor to tame the angry men here

the fist or the mouth?

Gunshots heard again...
Some houses have been burnt...
Rocks thrown and young people people again in trouble...

My heart is heavy.
In fact, since the day that Fretilin Congress voted back Mari Alkatiri and Lu'olo, i've been apprehensive of what may happen.
I'm not against Alkatiri, but I know that having him here might just prolong the impasse. Unless Mr PM makes a drastic move to reach out to his estranged men in the hills.

This uneasiness that hangs in the air bears down on all of us insidiously...

Anyways...recent events have made me think that perhaps the prolonged years of warring and violence in Timor has created a people with the propensity to use the fist to resolve their problems.
People in positions of influence and power have been heard saying "If you want war, we'll have war." An innocent boy with a bright future, and headed for the ASEAN games is stabbed to death one evening while hanging out with his mates because someone from a rival martial arts gang didn't like one of his friends and had launched a surprise attack. A peaceful demonstration turns into burning cars and houses, a few dead and guns fired into the air or as some say, into people.
Of course, this ain't unique to Timor as we can see daily that it happens elsewhere in the world. And of course, not every Timorese is a raging, irrational bull. But i am only interested in the problems of this country which i am living now, and the people who are causing so much chaos, thus this narrow discourse.
Against this backdrop of anger, i can't help thinking of the gentle people of Hawaii. What impressed me most during my time in Hawaii was the love for "talking stories." Hawaiians love to talk stories to one another, using this oral tradition to relate incidents, to discuss unhappiness and to resolve their conflicts. Thus, they have built up a strong use of mediation and non-violence. When Hawaiians are angry, they use to Hula to express their anger, singing their traditional songs and stomping out their moves with their feet and their drums. They protest in front of the government house with music and dance. I wish more people would embrace this form of negotiation. Perhaps Timor needs to re-establish the tribal councils it must used to have during a time when liurais or kings were powerful. Perhaps the work the UN has done here to spread the knowledge of Human Rights has not made any difference. Have we really instilled in the young people the right to respect life? The people here need to realise that they have to STOP the cycle of violence.
But how to when perhaps they believe that violence is the only effective way of attaining change for them? Many of them were guerillas who fought for 2 decades for Timor's independence. Of course, shrewd diplomacy, the support of the international community, combined with political fluke and change in indonesia contributed to the independece referendum. But I think most Timorese believe that it was largely their resistance in the jungles that has allowed them to fly their own flag.
So when will this cycle of violence end? We're talking about a traumatised nation. GOD HELP US ALL.

some timorese bubbly for you?

Tua Mutin - palm wine
Originally uploaded by tumbleweeed.

The foam you see - they're not soap suds mind you! the foamy stizzuf spewing out of the reused Aqua bottles is actually the natural fizz from Tua Mutin - or White Liquor, a locally made palm wine that you see sold along the roadsides across the country.
Last year when I was in Venilale, Jose had brought me around to see how they tapped the palm fruits to make the wine. Tua Mutin is the mildest, with Tua Metan (Dark Liquor) and Tua Sabo( i dunno what Sabo means) the most potent. Armando calls Tua Sabo the real Timorese coffee!
Anyways, i took this picture in Quelicai, cos I don't usually see Tua Mutin being so bubbly. There was also a very strong fermented smell. When i tasted Tua Mutin in Venilale, it tasted mild, and with coconut flavour -rather pleasant while Tua Sabo is strong tasting.I wonder how many are in the mood to enjoy any bubbly now. There is still a certain amount of tension in Dili despite the fact that life is pretty normal now for us - buses, people, markets are back in action but the Fretilin Congress opens tomorrow and already the local press and the OZ press have begun reporting extensively on the possibilities of troubles considering that the Timorese ambassador to the UN has openly challenged Alkatiri's leadership.
I only pray that PEACE will prevail no matter what happens. I hope that the losing party will accept the decision of the party members peacefully. I really hope that the rumours that Alkatiri will resort to military crackdown should he lose his party's support will not come true.
It's really tough trying to run a young nation - with high percentage of the populace uneducated and thus unable to differentiate sound policy versus populist promises. The recent violence here also goes to show that the young people (almost 50% of Timor)are not fully tuned into the demands of democracy - i.e. democracy comes with responsiblity!
No one should resort to violence to get their way. They can use their votes in 2007 if they don't like the government! But no, the primal instincts have overwhelmed a large number of youths - many unemployed, frustrated, uneducated, with few life-skills to guide them to make sensible decisions - so they simply end up following the crowd. If a leader calls them to boycott, they would.
It is this excess energies that the government needs to engage. But alas, as already admitted by many, the government labelled UN's shining baby has dealt very well internationally but has forgotten to relate to its people. As a result, many Timorese are left behind, feel disenfranchised especially after having fought for the war and feel like things should be better and not worse than during Indonesian times.
And so it is - from an issue concerning 594 sacked soldiers, this matter has really blown up into a bigger matter - an indication that the underlying unhappiness has been stewing and so easily provoked.
It's tough being a leader, really tough.

Soul Mountain

Matebian mountain - awesome!
Originally uploaded by tumbleweeed.

That's "Matebian" mountain or Soul Mountain in Baucau district. Beautiful ain't it? I only wish that i had a better camera or a device as panoramic as my eyes to capture the view as we departed Baucau yesterday morning. It was awe-inspiring. Everything's pretty normal on the eastern side of Timor-Leste. Baucau also has a wonderfully cool climate that beats the sweaty heat of Dili!

drawing relief

Photos by Bridgette See

There are increasing number of kiddies on our compound - less than UN Obrigado Barracks but nearly 20-30 of them on our side. So our rep came in and asked some of us to occupy them in a fun way. So we took chalk, paper, marker pens, and crayons (as much as we could find in our office) and brought them over. I guess activities like this is what we call setting a 'normal' tone for kids to reassure them that everything's ok. I think it really defused the tension and distracted the kids. Even the adults wanted to draw.


Yulian the illustrator is out there now sketching on a whiteboard and the kids following him. It's cool. Incidentally, in every emergency situation in countries, one of the first things that aid agencies try to set up (after the water and food is taken care of) are schools for children so that they can play in a safe zone and continue learning.

what is going on????

PICTURES BY YULIAN SETYANTO
It's hard to believe but yes, families are now rushing to the UN Obrigado Barracks and trying to get in. This, probably after a general email was sent to advise staff that IF they feel unsafe, they can bring their families. I have a feeling that many of those in the crowd do not have family members working in the UN but had seen others and followed suit. Now how do you say GO AWAY?

What I cannot understand is that unlike last we didn't have a scene like this here. (only outside the US embassy and at Don Bosco Seminary) But today, everything else is calm except for families piling into trucks and running up to the hills. Even my new home in Becora is now deserted apparently cos everyone else have 'sai foho' (went up mountain). So tonight, i will be at Armando's place at Pantai Kelapa (Coconut Beach) instead of Becora. Apparently people are also going into the Cathedral (near my old place) for shelter.

Rumours are spreading like wild fire. Some people say there is now strive within the military and even the Police have packed off their families, with dogs, cats and goats, and chickens onto their cars and up to the hills. BUT AS OF NOW, as i speak, we have heard no trouble or problems reported.

So what shall we do? It's an interesting time now to see how the government handles the situation. When will peace return to Dili?