what is going on????

PICTURES BY YULIAN SETYANTO
It's hard to believe but yes, families are now rushing to the UN Obrigado Barracks and trying to get in. This, probably after a general email was sent to advise staff that IF they feel unsafe, they can bring their families. I have a feeling that many of those in the crowd do not have family members working in the UN but had seen others and followed suit. Now how do you say GO AWAY?

What I cannot understand is that unlike last we didn't have a scene like this here. (only outside the US embassy and at Don Bosco Seminary) But today, everything else is calm except for families piling into trucks and running up to the hills. Even my new home in Becora is now deserted apparently cos everyone else have 'sai foho' (went up mountain). So tonight, i will be at Armando's place at Pantai Kelapa (Coconut Beach) instead of Becora. Apparently people are also going into the Cathedral (near my old place) for shelter.

Rumours are spreading like wild fire. Some people say there is now strive within the military and even the Police have packed off their families, with dogs, cats and goats, and chickens onto their cars and up to the hills. BUT AS OF NOW, as i speak, we have heard no trouble or problems reported.

So what shall we do? It's an interesting time now to see how the government handles the situation. When will peace return to Dili?

so what is reality?

I ask this because there seems to be so many versions of it flying about. some people say only 2 persons died in the troubles last week, while another said more like 60 did! those staying in the east of dili heard nothing, while those in the west were under seige. we all have different realities and so do reporters - it depends on who lets them see what. You too - from faraway - it depends on what the news channels reveal to you. a close up of a burning car and shouts and screams on the audio track could make a minor incident a major one while shots of deserted dili could give a sense of calm. so what's real anymore? even i don't know.

i live in this city but work in a world separate from the rest - shielded by gates with barbed wire and big stone barriers. We don't see the rest of the world inside the UN compound but we sure do hear a lot. Yesterday, news came from national staff who said that their villages were now deserted as more people were abandoning their homes to run up the mountains. Apparently there has been a systematic spread of information by SOMEONE to ask people to run and warning them of impending trouble. so what do these traumatised folks do? THEY RUN, with mattresses, chairs, stoves everything. Since 1975, these people have faced strive and been on the run, seeking refuge in the thick cover of forests so the mountains are their friends. At first whiff of trouble, that's where the Timorese would go.

As a national staff put it, "We prefer to pre-empt trouble and run when there is any sign of trouble, before chaos actually happen. Malaes (or foreigners) seem to prefer waiting (like sitting ducks) until trouble happens before reacting to it." That's why in the hearts of our staff, many are torn between running to the hills and staying behind to continue working. Some of their families have already gone and they are left behind here on their own. I empathise with them. But as an international staff put it, "When will they stop running? When will they put '99 behind them?" I also agree that some change need to take place to stop people from bolting at anything. But HOW do you tell them that? As what the Timorese told me, in '99 when UNAMET assured them not to flee because the UN was there, many trusted them but in the end, were killed by the militias. It's not about trusting UN people anymore, it's about trusting their own instincts.

I'm confused and i guess so are many people.

morning after

It's tuesday, and everyone's filed back to work by now. It was a good thing that we had a public holiday yesterday - I think it gave everyone some breathing space after the tensions from friday and saturday.

To be honest, there was tension on those two days. but because i was living in Colmera - a 'business' district sortof area, there was little disturbances. but some of our colleagues especially national staff living further into the hills and in villages away from the city centre reported trouble and hearing the gunshots of police going after the troublemakers - FOR THE RECORD, the officers were ordered to fire only into the air and never at anybody.

Anyways, here's the security update we received on Friday: (very outdated but...)

- 2 civilians dead, 8 civilians wounded, 3 PNTL (police) injured with one seriously injured.
- 3 cars were burned and 8 damaged.
- > 50 houses burned,
- Taibessi market area is extensively burned

and apparently the trouble was caused not by the protesting soldiers but by troublemakers who had joined in the demonstration and caused the mayhem.

On saturday morning, there was still tension in the air but Armando and I ventured out with our friends to the supermarket cos there was no more food in our house. There were long lines of people doing the same and Cold Storage (not the same as the one in SIngapore!) was making good business. I even saw people buying wine! I guess, they felt that since they would be holed up at home, why not get drunk too.

Anyways, by Sunday, things were pretty much back to normal. We even went to Mass in Comoro - the area that was reportedly still in trouble. But everything was really peaceful that morning. eerrieily so cos usually the COmoro market area is bustling with people but that day, it was empty. At mass, we sang songs asking for peace, when I sang, i felt very sad and really sang out to the LOrd to deliver peace to Timor-Leste. I know that singing is like praying twice so i think the Lord heard our prayers and granted us that wish.

On Sunday night, we went to Paradise Restaurant to celebrate a few people's birthdays. Yesterday, we even went snorkelling at K41 - to the east of Dili. You see, it's strange and ironic how life can go on for one group of people, while others remain huddled in fear - even in a small city like Dili. While we were enjoying ourselves, there were apparently still nearly 2000 people holed up in the Don Bosco seminary in the western side of Dili.... these people too scared to return home... and they have no food. We heard from some other NGO people that they wre bringing food to them and persuading them to return home. But you see, with the communications so poor here, people can't receive reliable news. In fact, we have no idea what's the situation now. i.e. have they caught the culprits or what? Yesterday, the police went on a parade, honking their cars joyously to exhibit their prowess. Apparently this was to assure the people of their presence --- and I'm thinkg:

yeah, if only they did so on Friday at lunch time at the Government House, then perhaps Prime Minister Alkatiri's windows would not have been smashed, and 3 cars there not burned to their skeletons! And the troublemakers not gotten loose and set off a whole series of opportunistic troublemaking!

Anyways,rumours are still wildly flying about and we're telling everyone not to panic and run off into the hills. God Bless Timor!

panic button

It takes rumours and panic and a few irrational fellas to press the alarm bell here. we had just finished lunch and hopped into a taxi to head back to UN House. Just as we turned the corner (i was still showing the interns the Brasil Restaurant & Erli) when suddenly there was a commotion behind us. 2 guys on a motorbike were honking the loudly and racing towards us, and we saw a stream of men running and then suddenly there were so many vehicles that had seemed to appear from nowhere descend upon us.Two cars next to us began honking persistently, as if in a car rally, in fact, some people were laughing in excitement. But the old man driving us was really worried and i kept telling him, "Tiu, la buat ida, lao neineik." which meant "Uncle, don't worry, it's nothing, just go slowly." it was hard not to panic because when there were so many vehicles rushing past us and onto us. the old man asked me in a shaken voice, "mana, oinsa?" ("How, sister?") I just told him to carry on slowly back to our office. It was a quiet trip back to the office but when we arrived, people were on the radios, monitoring the situation. "A government vehicle has been burnt," the news went around. We turned and saw black smoke rising in the distance but could not see anything else. we are some distance away from the demonstration site and are almost in our oasis - locked up in the Obrigado Barracks. It's hard to know what the reality is like outside. The cackle on the radio sounds urgent, with timorese voices updating each other on the situation. Everyone sounds worried and a headcount is done to find out who is missing and out there having lunch. The Timor Telecom network is down - unable to handle the heavy load from everyone trying to contact their families.

an intern has just returned, she was in the business district when her Timorese friend told her to run. As they were running, she saw black smoke and there was smell of burning in the air. The two of them sought refuge in a timorese home and then waited for some time before the Police arrived and began directing traffic. Then she heard more people running, some screaming and saying that the government palace was burnt down. Then she saw cars driving by with smashed windscreens and broken windows. After a while, the friend's uncle drove by (also with smashed windscreen) and drove her back into the UN compound.

Some staff having lunch at Tropical Bakery said the staff there tried to lock up the entire place including them. While another saw old, aged women in panic, running up to the hills.

The Timorese, thanks to the horrors of the '99 violence still fresh on their minds, have a panic button that is very very easily triggered.You can't blame them because their brothers, sisters, friends and relatives were indeed killed before and they themselves victims of the violence. So whenever there are rumours or any hint of anything not right, families flee to the hills for refuge.

And you know what, some people know this weakness and are exploiting it. The demonstrators may be having a peaceful protest but anyone, just one or two persons who are keen on creating trouble, to loot for personal gains or to upset the current government, can so easily spark off panic.

The international media has also NOT helped. A few days ago the OZ papers reported that there were 5000 people gathered which was untrue. You see, when you feed the rumour mill, more bad things happen! Argghhh...... and it was not true that tensions were high in Dili when they reported it. Today, yes, admittedly yes there is tension and now, sadly, we are making those reports come true...

it's so unfair for timor! we need the peace right now for the economy to progress and we need stability. the LAST thing we need is this thing now!

if you want to help timor, the first thing to do is to get the facts right.. which is extremely difficult too. i mean, as i write this i am in the office, safe and surrounded by guards, i can't see the situation outside and am depending on reports from people to even blog this.

sunrise sunset

which side does the sun favour? where it rises or where it sets? we know that the sun loves both sides but we ourselves don't. "divide and conquer" is an age-old strategy that preys on the hearts of humans by creating imaginary divisions and making us believe that these differences are real and do matter. Long time ago, the tall white people who came here planted fissions in the ethnic kaleidescope, then the neighbours came and did the same, and encouraged the fissions to widen into chasms. Thankfully a bitter war and the common enemy made the people of sunrise and sunset unite, so they could shield off the ugly freezing winter to emerge bright and victorious. Now that the ice queen has been defeated, the warmth that the shiny people of sunrise and sunset had for each other has evaporated too. Not ALL of course but some. But that is enough. Sunrise thinks it's better than sunset because it hails the coming of a new day while sunset think it's so much prettier clad in the pinks, purples, and blues of dusk. one thing leads to another and now, the sunset men in green say they get pushed around by sunrise. Now sunset refuses to budge, and doesn't want to be part of the routine anymore. Afterall, why should the sun rise before it sets? how about if the sun stay up in the sky 24/7? now, as sunset and sunrise tussle, the sun is torn between the two and showing some cracks. the enemies rub their hands together in glee, plotting to throw the nets on sunrise and sunset altogether - while they are distracted. the grass gets scorched, the rivers dry up, the animals starve, and the land cracks up with the sun up in the sky all the time. the visitors say we don't want to visit this land anymore, it's too hot and there's no food or water. so what will sunrise and sunset do? for the sake of the grass, rivers, animals and people, will they realise that they are equally important and equally equal for there can be no sunrise without a sunset, and no sunset if the sun has not risen earlier in the day?

ooo la la

it is finished - the complete look of the mystery man in my life. Anyways, it's Monday but i'm beat cos i spent the weekend cleaning up my room and then scrubbing up another room which i am planning to move into. Yupe. the news is that my SIF term with Unicef is drawing to a close (end of May) but i'll stay on here for another 2 months before heading back to Singapore for a while.... it's only a temporary goodbye as i will be back! Doing what? I DON'T KNOW! I just know that i have to come back as Armando is here. This is going to be an exciting phase in my life - yet again filled with lots of uncertainties.. Wish me luck!

Al Jazeera reads this blog!

Ok how could i not be cheered up when I found out that someone from Al Jazeera (that rather controversial news network that Bush has schemed to bomb a few times) actually reads this blog?

How did i find out?

Well just moments ago, a young Timorese guy walked in and told us that a crew from Al Jazeera (KL) is coming to Timor in May and wants to interview a UNICEF national staff who "from a cleaner became a chief" - ok so he was slightly off the mark - but we ALL knew immediately who that CLEANER he was referring to is. The funny thing was he said that in front of that person who "from a cleaner became the principal secretary for the UNICEF chief".

Yulian, Tony and I all looked at G who, by this time, was so mortified and embarrassed. The messenger stared in disbelief and kept asking "is it really you? are you all joking?" So there, that's how i know that my blog's being read by Al Jazeera. It's just made my day and of course G's! ;-)

hey editors at Al Jazeera, are you going to credit moi in your report? I like how newspapers put at the bottom of articles "additional reporting by xxxx". (Hint Hint *kekekeke*)

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That's how i felt when i received the email from Columbia announcing their regret for denying me a place in the Grad School there... My world swirled into slow motion while i stared at the screen and digested the news. Me? Rejected? Denied? Slowly a concoction of confusion, indignation and disappointment began to bubble, while at the same time, my guardian angel kept yelling out to me, "hey, remember what you told Jesus? Thy Will be done?" I picked up the cell and called Armando and told him the news, with sniffles punctuating the sentences.

Then i texted my boss Madhu to tell her the news and she called me immediately. Words at moment such as this are hard to find. But she being she, hit the nail on the head when she said, "I know you are going to feel some sense of inadequacy. I know how that feels." She comforted me and told me to take some time off before returning to work for some healthy distraction.

it's true...
while accepting that perhaps this IS God's will - perhaps He means different things for me and perhaps it's not my time yet - but one question (that appears in different guises) stares at me and it's what the Devil will use to make people like me feel even worse about myself:

WHY was i not accepted?
AM i not good enough?
WHY do other people get accepted and not ME?

Armando picked me up and we had coffee at Roo Bar (that had big mossies zinging about). We talked about my disappointment and he tried his best to comfort me. I think, more importantly, i wanted him to assure me that life goes on with or without a master's degree. It's not easy to let go when you've spent the past year taking the TOEFL test (and scoring so well at it!!!), completing two essays, and preparing for a rigourous test - all for this. But i know i must.

I'm just not used to rejections in my life.
OK OK... Even as i say this, i am so keenly aware of how blessed my life has been - a smooth sailing academic life, a wonderful and supportive family who have accepted my less than normal lifestyle, a generally healthy body and now an amazing boyfriend whom i can talk to endlessly and share my dreams with.

But you see.

Bridgette See ain't used to not getting what she wants. Everything she's strived for in her tiny limited world, she's gotten. From high school, to junior college, to university, to her broadcasting career, to the East West Center, even to wanting to do volunteer work..She ain't used to disappointment and now has to nurse an injured pride, while dealing with a re-evaluation of herself.

That's what rejection does to you right?
I started to question the reality i've constructed over the years in my brain. I began to ask "Was i any good before in Singapore? Was it all an illusion?" It seems as if this verdict from Columbia might threaten to sweep away all my self-esteem and confidence simply because i have been denied a place there.

As i write this, i remind myself of where i base my happiness on - - - is it the possession of a Master's degree? or what others think of me? OR can my happiness be found WITHIN me? Can i find joy within myself, whether in my intimacy with God or my character which 30 years have moulded?

One thing i learnt since quitting a 9to5 job in August 2004 is that God will provide.I've had times when i agonised over my sudden drop in income and dwindling savings account but always, He came to my rescue and lifted me up. I've built up a confidence that no matter where i am, what i do, i will be able to forge a living and make it meaningful. WHY? Because that source of happiness is WITHIN me.

This entry is my way of burying those disturbing questions of 'why' and allow myself to take a deep breath, thank the Lord for keeping me alive, and focus on living my life fully, with courage and happiness.

Who nose?

It's lunchtime on Monday after a weekend of mass-going and celebration of Easter! I sat through many hours of Tetum mass, clutching my English bible and reading the relevant passages in order to keep up with the mass. Even though the heat was rather unbearable, i still (perversely) enjoyed the experience.

Anyways, here's the promised second piece to the man-puzzle. I'm sorry if this blog is going the way of trivia. I promise there's only one more piece to it!

Bridgette SEEs timor

By popular request - an entry about the best places to see in Timor. For pictures you can drool over, and info that will make you drop your hectic schedules and rush over here, click on this official Timor Tourism website. But here's a quick selection of my own limited experience in Timor:

SEA - Timor's a half-island so the sea's the MUST-SEE for anyone coming to Timor. There's just LOOOOTS of great underwater life..The nearest snorkel/dive site is just 15 minutes to the left of Dili town called Dili Rock while the furthest is probably to the right most end - Jako island.

Here's Brian's underwater world site to ogle at squashy,squirmy,soft things!

NEXT ---- the marine sanctuary island of Jaco which is on the easternmost tip of Timor-Leste. Pristine white sand beaches and intense turqoise blue waters greet you as you step off the fisherman's boat onto the island. The snorkelling & diving is great, albeit with rather strong currents. So you should be fairly competent swimmer, or have a good buddy, and use fins! Read my entry on Jako for more details of our backbreaking journey there.

This mural map at a local dive shop shows you the dive sites in the country. There are many nice beaches within 1 hour's drive from Dili, the capital. The most popular is called Areia Branca which is on the way to Cristo Rei - the huge statue of Jesus that perches on the tip of a cliff and where devotees can remember the Passion of Christ by walking up the 14 Stations of the Cross. If you're not religious, you can still walk up to the foot of Jesus to enjoy the panoramic view from his perch. But the best beach (near to Dili) i have seen so far is the ONE DOLLAR BEACH which is about an hour's drive away in the Manatuto District.It has clean white sand and the bluest waters.

MOUNTAINS --- One website that offers pretty comprehensive information about trekking is www.discoverdili.com Timor (like Hawaii) has a very masculine landscape with jagged cliffs and towering mountains. Many villages are hidden up in the folds of valleys and when you drive into the hills away from Dili, there is often mist shrouding the peaks. Aileu (2 hours drive) and Maubisse (3 hours) are nice quaint districts to experience cooler climates. Venilale in Baucau is also pretty. The famous Matebian mountain is in Baucau while Mt Ramelau is in Aileu/Ainaro. To get there you need to hire a good four-wheel drive and if you don't have a person familiar with the hike, it would be advisable to have someone who can speak either Bahasa Indonesia or Tetum so that your group could communicate with the locals and ask them to guide you to the top of Ramelau.

One interesting thing about Timor-Leste is that it has a district called Oecusse that lies outside its border.

Oecusse is supposed to be the first landing spot for the Portuguese which this monument at Lifau Beach commemorates. Oecusse was the capital of Portuguese Timor until the arrival of the Dutch that led to the Portuguese to shift their capital to Dili in 18 A.D. When the DUtch and Portuguese formalised their relationship in 19 A.D., the Enclave or Exclave has since remained politically with Portugueste Timor. But really, the people in Oecusse are ethnically West Timorese - they speak Baikenu and often Bahasa Indonesia - and have family spread across the border into West Timor. So it's a pretty complex issue. Border conflicts continue 6 years after independence was restored to Timor-Leste. Read this blog by 2 filmmakers (based in Singapore)as they recount their experience in making a film about the reconciliation efforts in Passabe. You can get to Oecusse by boat.

There're lots more places to see but the last one I want to add in this entry is ATAURO ISLAND. I've never been there but i often stare longingly at the island from our end. I've heard stories of how beautiful the place is, but also of how poor the people are because of the distance from Dili and accessibility to goods and services. A ferry service goes there on Saturdays (i've heard rumours of a second service but it's not confirmed!) but you can also get local fishermen to bring you across in their little boats. OR if you are a group of 10, you could hire an Aussie boat for USD250 per way. In a nutshell, it ain't cheap to enjoy Atauro but i still hope to do it before i leave! See this website for an eco-tourism effort to promote Atauro while preserving its natural beauty.

Ok that's all from me now. But remember, seeing Timor-Leste isn't like any other holiday. You need to be 'tough' in some sense - coping with bad roads, simple housing and lack of electricity. So... COME AND VISIT!

the EYES have it, the EYES have it

Ok, this is not my bright idea. It's Armando's. *Cackle* He said that since i'm so shy about publishing his face, I could cut it up and introduce him by bits. So there.I'm in a good mood too as I've just finished up another feature article for UNICEF and it should soon see the light of day on the internet. YEAH! What a great MONDAY!

This is the Ibu who runs a small warung outside the former UN House. Even though we are now about 100metres further away from her little shop, we still brave the sun and rain to eat there everyday. WHY? because she is one of the best and cheapest eats in town...
For USD1.25, you help yourself to
1) rice (unlimited)
2) tempe & tofu (many many)
3) kangkong (big tongful)
4) one more vegetable (usually carrots & beans)
5) fried fish or chicken (one piece)
6) great sambal (unlimited)
**She's preparing it in the picture!
7) sometimes even a fried egg!

God bless her for providing affordable food for people like me! Oh and don't think she looks so frazzled and sweaty all the time. (The warung is super hot!) When she attends mass on sundays, she looks completely different - with coiffed hair and suits!

a taste of Timor

Now that I'm finally re-settled back into life in Dili, I'm looking through old photos to blog - sorta like filling in the blank spaces left by the illness. This was one taken at Maubara in Liquica District when my parents came to visit me in Timor! This visit was something i had been praying to God for a long time because my dad had been very resistant to the idea of coming to Timor ever since I was posted here. He, like many Singaporeans, have heard and seen only the chaos so well-captured on cable news and have visions of crime, theft, and riots etched into his mind. So when I first asked them to visit me many months ago, the answer had been "you just come home quickly!" So it was indeed God's grace that helped my mom persuade Dad to join a group of Catholics (from Legion of Mary) to see this country. During the first few days of their visit, I was up in a retreat center in Maubara for training so Armando drove them up to see me instead. I think my parents got to see the beauty of this country, especially when they went up to Gleno where it was cool and when I brought them to see the spectacular beaches of Timor.

(RIGHT)This is them up at Cristo Rei overlooking the beaches of Areia Branca.

But it is no doubt a harsh environment for city people. After being pampered by clean tap water, cool air-conditioning, and dust-free air in Singapore, the sizzling heat in Dili and the generally lower standard of living certainly tested my parents. This was not a conventional HOLIDAY for them. Mind you, they are not rich folks who travel in first class or are mollycoddled, but they still found it a challenge.

Nevertheless, I'm still proud of them for even setting foot on the soil of Timor-Leste. I'm glad they took the challenge to step out of their comfort zone although they might have regretted it a little bit! Mom, Dad, Thanks for coming to see me....

Back @ work

Yeap I arrived back in Dili on APRIL FOOLS' Day! and am now back into the swing of things at work. I lost some kilogrammes during my illness but am now looking like i've piled on the pounds again.......#$%%^&&*** ..... i also had a hair cut the day i came home - thanks to the Vietnamese barber who lives on my compound.And as you can see from this photo... i look rather healthy don't i? (although not very photogenic!) :-) a far cry from 10 days ago when my hair was stringy, my back hunched over, and my face an ashen gray. Thank you for your prayers and thoughts!

hiatus in darwin

hello.... this is I from a lil internet cafe in Darwin...This has been exactly a week since I landed in Darwin on a special UN flight...I remember the surreal afternoon when the UN ambulance zipped through the pockmarked roads of Dili, with its siren wailing as it rocketed through the streets. I was clutching my stomach as every lurch caused a sharp pain to shoot up my gut... and then after an interminable 20minutes I finally got up to the plane which had its seats taken out so that I could lie down the whole way..

picture of me in the plane thanks to Armando who was with me until the plane took off.

They wouldn't let him come cos he's not UN personnel. He had to take the first commercial flight out the next morning to come to Darwin. Anyways, I had been experiencing severe stomach pains for a few days in Dili (on top of a lot of coughing) and finally consulted a second doctor from the Australian embassy last Tuesday about my condition. He thought that i had a case of appendicitis and quickly requested that I get medical help in Darwin. The UN doctors weren't sure but to err on the side of caution, they authorised the flight and i landed in the Royal Darwin Hospital's emergency room last Tuesday night at 8pm. I waited there - yes just like any other walk-in patient at the emergency room - and waited till almost 11pm before a doctor finally saw me. Then at midnight, a surgeon from the private hospital came and concluded that I don't have acute appendicitis but would need ultrasound and x-rays to find out what was wrong with me. That short visit by the surgeon - by the way - cost me AUS250!
So yeah, the next day I went for 2 ultrasounds and a chest x-ray. They saw nothing wrong with my insides and concluded that i have a condition called "mesenteric adenitis" defined as : "Inflammation of lymph glands located in the mesentery. It causes a clinical picture at times that is difficult to differentiate from acute appendicitis." An international SOS doctor told me that before the days of the ultrasound, many people who had M.A. would often go under the knife as doctors thought they had acute appendicitis. It was only when they were cut up that the doctors saw healthy appendices but swollen lymph glands in the mesentery. But since they were opened up already, doctors usually just removed the appendix anyways. So there... now i don't feel so bad for giving everyone a scare cos all the clinical symptoms were there ---- my stomach so sore when the doctors touched it and whenever i coughed, it was like a knife stabbing me ceaselessly. OUCH!
O i forgot to mention that when i was transferred to the Darwin Private Hospital, i stayed at the Jabiru maternity ward! haha it was rather ironic as there were times i did feel so much pain i thought i was in labour. And that very pretty room cost me AUS640 a night! Ouch! even more pain when i think about the bills i will receive soon.

And apparently a lot of UN staff have previously gone off without paying their hospital bills, thus the hospital's protocol is to charge you first BEFORE treating you. SO i had a AUS3500 bill to my credit card for an appendix surgery that i never received and 2 nights of very costly hospital stay. Eventually they will credit the money back....... eventually....
Anyways, not satisfied that it was just the M.A. causing me hell, the doctor ordered a battery of blood tests on me (PLUS a very horrible tube stuck up my nose to take out samples to test for viruses) to determine if i had any other deadly tropical diseases. So i had vials of blood sucked out of me... in fact, the first day they tried extracting blood from my veins but i was so weak that the vein only DRIPPED blood and the orderly had to wait a long while before she got what she wanted.
Because the tests would take a week to process, the doctor told me to stay at the hospital for observation and that's what i have been doing. I have been staying at a room at the ground floor of the Darwin Private Hospital, being real bored and wishing i could return to Dili soon.

Oh I must say I got to enjoy the perk of a shrunken high tech world as a result - I got this cute bear and a yummy fruit basket from sis - all the way from Washington D.C.

Oh well, tomorrow's D_DAY to hear the news from the doc. I hope that all's fine. Now i just have to worry about the mountain of bills waiting for me back home in Singapore. ARRGHHH.... it is too expensive to fall ill! STAY HEALTHY! i give thanks to God for all the times i have been healthy. It really does take a bout of serious illness for one to appreciate the blessings.
Oh, just because i was so bored, i decided to tabulate the number of people involved in my one 'acute appendicitis' case:
Doctors - 2 UN, 1 aussie, 1 emergency, 1 surgeon, 1 tropical disease specialist = 6
Nurses/ assistants - 2 UN, numerous aussie = 10
Bosses - 2 UNICEF bosses
Administrative - at least 3 UN, 1 SIF = 4
worried parents - 2
Worried partner - 1
Worried friends who knew about my illness - at least 6
Who else?
I'll add on when i can recall.
AS for the $$$$, sigh... i'm not even wanting to think about it. All I hope for now is that the medical insurers that SIF have put me on are generous enough to cover as much as possible. So my fingers and toes are crossed.
Ok, will update with pictures when I return to Dili which i hope will be SOON!

thirst to learn

can you imagine telling a cleaner at Parkway Parade or Scotts that one day he/she might become the principal secretary of a multinational company? Most people, especially the cleaner, will scoff at your suggestion and ask you to 'get real'! but guess what, today at lunch i heard an inspiring story of a girl who went from a cleaner in the UN medical clinic six years ago, to serving the UNICEF chief as principal secretary now.

G had just graduated from high school with minimal English when the post-referendum conflict broke out. She saw that the UN was hiring cleaners and promptly applied. At that time she was earning only 500,000 rupiahs or 50USD, which during that time was a substantial sum. She said that everyday while mopping the floors, she would observe the doctors and learn a few English words a day from them. Then, there was only one nurse and very soon, G was asked to help out in simple duties like dressing wounds and taking blood pressure levels. She said, "You know, i would come to work early to clean up the place and then sit at the desk to help out." Many people thought that she was a real nurse. When an Arabic doctor came, he saw the potential in her and asked her to help out with administration. The rest is history. G was our programme assistant for 3 years before being transferred to the Front Office as principal secretary.

It's people like G who gives much hope to Timor-Leste. Her thirst to learn is unquenchable and I have seen her bounce back from past mistakes very fast. She's always eager to know new things and accept corrections. Perhaps this was what our parents' generation was like - they felt a real urgency for change. How about us and our children? Are we getting too comfortable for our own good?

spacing out

This is the balcony view from the Carmelo retreat house, where i've just been for a residential training. The house sits on a hillslope, surrounded by the prettiest flowers and plants amongst which birds tweet sweetly all the time. There's a panoramic view of the ocean in front of us and a gentle sea breeze lifts the perspiration off us. In the still of the night, the sounds of crashing waves is carried uphill by the wind that has gotten stronger..If only I can sleep outdoors it would be most ideal -- cos indoors, the wind is unable to slip in and we sweat in our slumber. Apart from the heat, this is my dream house...where there's space to grow tomatoes, chillis, bananas, papayas,etc... a space to soak in the morning sunshine as the wind caresses your cheeks...a little refuge from the noise of the city an hour away...We Singaporeans - city rats - have never been privileged with space... Dare I dream of owning such a place? Well, one thing i have been reminded from the training is to DARE TO DREAM!

And here's a Custard Apple or Ai ata for you!

bakso kompletu

this is it -- so far the best Bakso you can find in Dili --- or at least the best to my taste - as well as for those i have recommended it to. Diana was the first to bring me there and i have been a fan since - bringing colleagues there and they - their families. Why is this bakso so special? Because for USD1.25, you get 2 wantons, 4 beefballs,and super yummy broth which must have been cooked from duck meat or something for hours...it's miles ahead compared to other bakso places which serve thin soup and uncooked noodles for USD1. This bakso malang place is located next to Plan International & behind Sao Paulo college for those interested. It also has strong ice teh manis & jus apucat (avocado!). and wait, the best thing about this place, it closes at ten pm!

all natural

See the hand in the picture? It belongs to a special person I am seeing right now. Yeah, now you know why I have been absent from my blog for so long... But no, seriously, i have been all over the place -- from a short unplanned trip to Singapore, to visits to the field, to a recent bout of cold, and of course, lots of cooking in the kitchen with this crazy cook.

The mush you see is humus painstakingly made from unprocessed chickpeas.We spent an afternoon soaking, boiling and shelling chickpeas, crushing them with pestle & mortar, before adding in crushed garlic, and then finally grinding the mix into a paste with my cup-juicer.
Cost --
Chick peas : USD0.95
Garlic : USD0.45
Water : Free
Effort : Priceless

It tasted super yummy with spaghetti and with cream cheese on toasted bread. But i think we added a tad too much garlic. The funniest thing was that after proudly completing the paste, we are asked by friends,"You mean, you didn't use processed chickpeas in a can?" So what takes others 15minutes to make, took us close to 4 hours. Haha. Oh well, time on a Sunday well spent.

The next trip to the supermarket, i went in search for the processed chickpeas.
Chickpeas in a can : USD1.25 ONLY!!! But hey, at least ours was all natural - without the sodium whatchamacallit, and colour retention chemicals.

TRY this only when you have time to kill.

lil' moses

lil moses
Originally uploaded by tumbleweeed.

see lil' moses dancing round the ring
see him dance, smile, laugh and sing
oh lil' moses you are the sweetest
your eyes the biggest
your affection the warmest
'how old are you lil moses?'
'9 i am, going up to 10'
pause pause think and pause
I am lost
Because
Lil moses you are too tiny
a 9 year old who's too puny
Don't be shy my little friend
of me who is holding the lens
I see the snake on your forehead
from a machete that kissed you
from a man who tried to hurt you
but you are strong lil' moses
You will part the seas of sorrow
and bring your people into happiness
Oh lil' moses

barking in the new year!

have a woofing prosperous new year!
Originally uploaded by tumbleweeed.

We had this cute cake for reunion dinner on Saturday at Sakura Towers. Yeah, it was hodge podge 'reunion' of Singaporeans and Malaysians working in Timor - from doctors, to volunteers to business people.

The wishing on it was thought up by my mommy! The cake was yummy - fresh cream and strawberry jam inside.

My first thought when I got the cake was, "That's a BL**** rabbit not a dog!" I couldn't believe that the baker had used MY pathetic sample sketch instead of relying on his better sense to put a more canine-looking dog on the cake!

HAPPY NEW YEAR y'all!

surreal sleep

mysterious morn
Originally uploaded by tumbleweeed.

Someone was shaking my bed, like he/she was trying to wake me up but it wasn't the usual way a person shakes it.

Not up and down but my entire body was shifting (in entirety) laterally right and left -like i was on a platform in the sea and it was moving right and left - a sensation never felt before. I was midway in the realm of dreamy subconsciousness and reality, wondering why I was having such a surreal dream. Previous conversations of little 'hantus'(imps) seeped into my still-sleepy mind and I thought that they were having a tug-o-war at my feet. Gradually I broke through the depths of my sleep, awoken by the persistent tugs, and blinked into the darkness of my room. I still did not know why I was awake. I looked around for the imps but there were none.

Then I heard noises outside my compound - people shouting and banging on pots and pans, stirring up the neighbourhood. I tried to listen hard to what they were shouting about and then somnabulistically pulled apart the curtains to check things out. At 2am, and without my contact lens (yes, my glasses are being repaired in Jakarta), I was rather blind. I could only make out the forms of two persons walking to the gate. I presumed it was Naier - the guy who sleeps in the guardhouse - and Leo the Timorese security boy. Without 20/20 vision and in my PJs, I decided not to explore further. Trusting in Naier and Leo and the barbed wire to protect me. I thought there was a riot outside but sleep overwhelmed me and soon i was back in bed. Just as I was diving back into dreamland, strains of people praying wafted into my room. I wondered why Toi was experiencing a religious fervour at this hour but curiosity escaped me.

At 7am, a call woke me up. It was my sister calling from Washington D.C. "Hey you ok? I heard news that there was an earthquake, about 7.7 in Indonesia..about 275miles from Dili. Are you alright? Did you feel anything?"

Yes, so that was what it was huh? I smiled to myself, still in slumber and half listening in. "Yeah, i'm ok. I didn't really feel anything. I'm alright. Oh Happy New Year by the way."

There you have it. My first brush with an earthquake and I slept through it.

Turns out the quake lasted at least 3 minutes and the Timorese banging on pots and pans to wake God up, to get get His attention and to pray that He would look after us. He did. Thanks be to God. Thanks too for all those people praying to God - they prayed for me too.

Timor by Jael

m1gal
Originally uploaded by jgal.

Isn't this a cool picture especially for Singaporeans? No wonder Jael calls it M1Gal. :-) She was in Timor recently and now has a bunch of pictures at her flickr site. U can just click on this pic to go there.

Is friendship still possible?

Last Friday, President Xanana Gusmao presented the findings of a human rights report to the United Nations. This report, which looks at the 24 years of Indonesian occupation in Timor-Leste, was completed after 3 years of interviewing thousands of Timorese involved in the conflict.

Xanana has reiterated that the report by the Commission for Truth and Reconciliation (CAVR)is meant to "heal the wounds in people's minds" and that it's not just about the Indonesian invasion but also investigations into human rights violations commited by Timorese upon other Timorese. But nobody really knows exactly what the 2500-page report contains as the CAVR report has not been released publicly. Right now, perhaps Mr Kofi Annan is still flipping through the pages over many cups of coffee.

'Maun Bot', as Xanana is affectionately known, has appealed for only parts of the report to be made public - revelations that will not cause the already tense relations between Indonesia and Timor-Leste to worsen. But human rights groups are lobbying for the full report. Already the repercussions are being felt. Yesterday while Xanana was on his way back via Jakarta, Mr SBY cancelled his meeting with him. Newspapers quote that it was to express his unhappiness over Timor submitting a report which Jakarta claims is exaggerated.

Most coincidentally, as the political storm began to brew, we screened a film about the process of reconciliation in Timor-Leste. Called 'Passabe', this film, which has been shown in the Singapore Film Festival, was banned recently just 3 hours before it was to be shown at the Jakarta Film Festival. Directed by 2 filmmakers based in Singapore (I can't say Singaporeans cos one of them isn't but he lives in singapore and i never asked for his nationality), the film focuses on the confessions of a farmer Alexio Elu, a former militia member from Passabe, which is a border village between Timor Leste and INdonesia. The elders call Passabe the gateway between East and West. The camera follows Alexio's journey from his confessions (even though others refused to follow suit) to his reconciliation with his neighbours. Alexio's confession of killing one man is interweaved with the stories of a massacre survivor, and the ostracised wife of a militia leader Florencio Tacaqui. Tacaqui is now in jail for 12 years for his crimes during the 99 conflict.Their stories were touching but the filmmakers used the Timorese bawdy sense of humour to defuse those moments, allowing us to laugh off the poignancy.

Although Alexio manages to make peace once again with his neighbours and friends, his village Passabe,which was known as a militia village that killed 74 men from surrounding villages, is still unable to do so with its neighbours. The surrounding villages want 74 buffaloes and 74 strings of holy beads for each man killed but the request is turned down by Passabe. The other militia members also refuse to admit killing anyone, preferring to make an assortment of remarks ranging from "I only took shade under the tree and saw the houses burning" or "I pushed the door open and didn't do anything else" or "When we arrived there were other people there." These half-hearted confessions irk those who have turned up expecting honesty and reconciliation, only to return mission unaccomplished. So till now Passabe remains isolated from its neighbours.

But among the characters in the film, I found myself most touched by Tacaqui's wife who made some pragmatic statements. When asked if she wants to bring anything for Tacaqui since the filmmakers are returning to Dili, she says "Why should i send anything for him? He's the one with the roof over his head. I'm the one who is struggling to look after 2 children." Conflict tears families apart and cuts deep wounds into their hearts. There is also a scene when a village chief shows the filmmakers the houses of widows lined up along both sides of the road. I was really saddened.

Even at the village level, we see that reconciliation is possible for some and yet unreachable for others. What more the challenges between sovereign countries? And even as the CAVR report is being read by Mr KA, border incursions and conflicts continue to challenge the two governments. Last month, 3 Indonesians were shot dead by Timorese police and now investigations are underway to determine the cause. Each side has its own story. It reminds me of Kurosawa's 'The Gates of Rashomon' - who's telling the truth? It's always hard to accept another person's truth. So will the CAVR - the Commission for Truth and Reconciliation - be able to convince Jakarta that it's truth is validated and accurate?

Is reconciliation possible? Will forgiving allow one to move forward? What do we really want our perpertrators to do in order to forgive them? Some people accept money, some want cows, others prefer death sentences, while some say God will see to a just punishment.

I don't know. I really don't know.

reminiscing days of fixed lines

we connect in other ways
Originally uploaded by tumbleweeed.

I've read in reports that the cell phone technology has allowed less developed countries to progress faster as there is no more need for the laborious and costly task of laying fixed telephone lines. But do the people really benefit from this technology when it is priced way above their means? Here in Timor, we scratch away the foil of prepaid calling cards to reveal a set of numbers (jumbled up through countless permutations) that will allow us to top up the value in our SIM card. This practise is common in many other countries including its closest neighbour Indonesia. It's definitely cheaper than paying monthly subscription like in Singapore where you have to commit to at least $30SGD a month and then pay the excess at the end of each month. Here, what you use is taken directly from the prepaid card.
But if you ask "You got minutes?" which is a common way of asking if someone has value on their phones, the most common answer is a 'No'. This because the minutes are sold in USD10 and USD15 denominations which few people can afford. SMSes and Calls are also pretty expensive like 0.10USD per minute/ each so I find myself having to buy a new phone card every one to 2 weeks. In the beginning I did not realise that Timorese have handphones so that people can call them, not vice versa. I kept messaging people and expecting them to respond likewise via sms or calls. So even when they are unable to make a meeting there would not be a response which peeved me incredibly. Until i realised that few have minutes or 'pulsa' (indonesian slang) on their phones. Now, i just pick up my phone or use the office to call them directly. and if they can't afford to even buy a phone and the initial SIM card, we just have to plan in advance to meet at a certain time, certain place like the good ole days. If they don't turn up, you just shrug your shoulders and go home. So until the phone cards are priced more affordably OR this country uses a new currency which brings the cost of living down, most Timorese will remain excluded from the benefits of cellular technology.
On the topic of phones, I remember I was about 15 when the SIngapore government first began charging per-minute calls on our home's fixed telephone lines. There was much apprehension as people had always paid a very low fixed sum each month for unlimited access. I remember how shopkeepers were friendlier and had always allowed us to use their phones but once the government began charging the calls, people were less willing to let you use the phone. At 15, I worried how my friendships, which were maintained with extensive long calls each afternoon, would be affected. Who would call whom? Would the charges mark the end of "making phone porridge"? Of course, my fears were allayed when the phone bills never hit the roof and I continued to have access to the phone. Now, some households have even done away with home phones and we use internet technologies like SKYPE to call round the world for free. Technology is truly amazing. We have come so far but with each leap, are we in danger of leaving some others even further behind?

Cell No.5

I caught sight of his tattoo when we were eating lunch one day. I asked him what it signified and he began telling me (almost casually) a bit about his past. This was when it dawned upon me just how many respected resistance fighters were in our midst everyday in my workplace. They are now my colleagues but before the UN came they were independence fighters who were jailed for their struggle for their country's sovereignty. The tattoo signified the solidarity of the 7 prisoners who were kept in the same cell for 12 months from February 1998. The rays emitting represented the 7, while the dots in the centre was their Cell No.5 and the cross atop, a symbol of their innocence. He told me how they had tattooed each other in the cell, using a needle and a candle. Someone held his hand steady while another held his shoulders to prevent him from squirming away in pain. Then a third person had lit the candle, and used the needle to puncture the design into his skin. And then mixing the soot and blood, the tattoo was forever burned into his hand. Was it painful? Did he cry? Yes, he said. It was painful as H*** but no, never, he never cried.
After all, surely this pain cannot compare to the heartbreak of losing friends and families in a 24-year struggle.

kangkung in drains

UNDP supports US$ 80.000 for public cleaning in Dili
TV Monitoring, January 3, 2006
Public workers-vice Minister, Raul Mausaco said the problem of flooding
because drainages because of clogged up because of the population threw
rubbish and plan some water-vegetables (kankung) into drainages. "One team from public workers that does not have department to deal directly with drainages and streets," said Mausaco. We need big budget to clean the drainages in Dili, added Mausaco. UNDP has supported US$ 80.000 for the public cleaning in Dili, said Mausaco.
One of the earliest advice I got from a colleague was to avoid KangKung like the plague. Still that piece of wisdom was unvalidated until I began taking walks and saw Kangkung indeed being planted everywhere - especially in drains - or any decently-sized puddles of water. And now with the Vice-Minister openly talking about kangkung in drains, i think I will definitely STOP eating kangkung now --- except that the KangKung creeps insidiously onto every table by virtue that it is the most available green in this country. My mom says the straw-like feature of KangKung makes them great homes for parasites. Eww. Mommy, I think I'll need a de-worming pill when I come home.

400kilometresofconversation

sowmiya&me
Originally uploaded by tumbleweeed

learning tamil:vanakam noi noi madhu na u nei kade lickrain-wordbuilding:octupuC
ouscouspaghetticepopapaya
ppleggrollimeicecreamacad
amianutsoupiextractofvani
llagralbaniamericaustriaz
erbijanewzealandenmarkeny
arlingtonottinghillsingap
orengland -practising tamil: manurivalikam manurindrum - cheering the driver: go simeon go! - watching out for suicidal chickens & dogs dashing across roads: LOOK OUT! waving to everyone: hey, she didn't wave back! hellooooo! -trying to join in a tamil conversation: ?! and of course sowmiya's legendary MONOLOGUES! She won't have any problem captivating the audience when she does the V Monologues this Feb in OZland!

idyllic ideal

idyllic jacko
Originally uploaded by tumbleweeed.

This is such a remarkably mediocre photo that it does no justice to the wonders i experienced on New Year's Day 2006 on Jako Island. Jako Isle is a national marine park that falls off the tip of Timor island,and is surrounded by reef, pristine waters and abundant sea life. We snorkelled in an aquarium of tropical fish - a different world that lies beneath the brilliantly turqoise waters. You hardly have to walk a few feet into the water before seeing fish. It was just great floating amongst the fishes, with them so close to your face, you could see every detail. It did get a lil hairy when a school of ominous black fish silently sailed by. It was like the soundtrack to 'Under the Sea' stopped while these black pirates went by. There were countless Dory fish (remember Finding Nemo? It's that talkative and forgetful blue fish), many curious Clown fish, and loads of other fish that me - the fishoignoramus - cannot name. So that was my New Year's Day - communing with fish and trying not to eat them!BUt in order to reach this Paradise island, we had to take a trip as arduous as a pilgrimage to Mount Kailash. (ok ok. not as bad but bad enough!)First we had to endure a 6 hour drive through winding mountain roads littered with potholes (and sometimes portions washed away by the heavy rains) to reach Com where we stayed for a night and then we had to drive for another 3 hours the next morning to reach Walu - which is just opposite Jako Island. So yes, this postcard picture belies the treacherous terrain we had to conquer especially the last stretch of rock and gravel slopes leading down to Walu beach. The four-wheel drive Trooper did extremely well, as did Simeon our Queenslander 'mate' who did most of the driving. (he really says 'mate' all the time!) His hands must be so sore now wrestling with the steering wheel and the gear sticks. See how serious he is, while i horsed around.The trip back UP the slopes were really a test of driving skills but the Trooper roared up the killer slopes pretty well. The 2 Timorese we gave a lift to looked rather nauseous by the end of the ride. Of course, don't forget we had to drive back to Com again and then back to Dili the next day which was another 9 hours of driving. My back and bottom hurt! The Trooper ain't the most comfortable ride i must say!

SO... Will i do it again? YES YES YES YES YES! And yes, going to Jako means i have just fulfilled one of my New Year's Wishes! Yippee! Happy New year y'all!

DRENCHED! -- storm story #2

Ironically after these two pictures were taken (as I was waiting for a taxi 2 mornings ago) i got badly drenched. A cab came and we managed to get it to come onto the curb so we wouldn't get our feet wet. But just as I was about to get in, a huge truck roared down the street - spraying me with water! Phewet!@#$%^& my hair got wet, my glasses fell off and got out of shape. GRR! Thank goodness the water didn't smell, still i asked the cab driver to wait while i ran back home to wash my hair! I just could not imagine spending the day with dirty hair and face! So after a quick shampoo i ran back to the waiting car. The entire street leading to the cathedral was flooded so the car had to find another route to the office. The cab's front windows could not close fully (it's a common occurence in all Dili cabs - windows and doors are often jammed) so each time a car roared by, water would spray in so i stuck an umbrella up to the window to shield us. As we were manoevuring through the potholes, 2 men from a passing motorbike shouted at our driver and forced him to halt. One of them jumped down and began shouting aggresively, gesticulating wildly and pointing at the driver's Police ID, and even stuck his hand into the car and took away the car keys! We were shocked but couldn't understand what was going on, as my Tetum is still so basic. Meanwhile, our driver was going "husu desculpa, husu desculpa," and pleading with the man. It was interesting to see him adopt a subservient body language and holding up his hands in plea. Finally, the man was appeased and left in a huff. Apparently, the 2 were mad cos our car had splashed them with water! I guess the flood just makes everyone's stress level higher and they just needed to vent their anger on someone. That was a scary incident but thankfully they didn't get into a scuffle and our driver was so apologetic. It would have been a messy scene - with mud, rain, and potholes - if they had 'baku malu' (fought). So there you have it - another rainy day in Dili. I wonder what tomorrow wil bring?

UDAN BOT! Big Rain! ---- storm story #1

It's been pouring elephants and hippopotamuses out here on our end. 2 days ago it poured so hard that by the time i left the office at 7pm, the entire street in front was flooded up to the shin level. I stood around helpless until a colleague passed by and offered to drop me somewhere that was hopefully drier to catch a taxi home. So i jumped onto his motorbike and cruised through the street that had become a river. But we went no further than 20m when he was forced to stop as he feared for the life of his beloved machine. The water was so deep that it was threatening to choke the exhaust pipe and kill his bike. So we found a little island of dry land and stood there waiting - hoping for the waters to recede.
All around us were young men who were thrilled with the rains. They were wading about - paying little regard that by now, sewerage water, drain water & all sorts of rubbish had converged and that they were wading through highly toxic waters. Everytime a car passed through, it would send waves towards our islet. "Tsunami, tsunami," they would cry each time that happened. I shuddered to think what if it was indeed a tsunami (and this was a day after Dec 26) and also to think of all the little kids with sores on their legs wading through the water. My colleague began chatting with a boy and i heard the word 'lafaek' and immediately demanded a translation. He calmly told me there's a croc trying to get out in the street behind us. How lucky can one get? Standing in the rain, in the dark, feeding mosquitoes and possibly a crocodile that might sidle up in the waters? HELP!
Finally after what seemed an eternity, I spotted a UNICEF car pass by and managed to get it to stop and bring me home. All the way home, Dili had become Venice. But now safely inside a big car, the rain water did not seem half as scary even though i could see that there was no way one could tell where the sidewalk ended and the drains began. *shudder* anyone could fall in.
The next morning, we heard that 2 youngsters had died in the storms. One of them was a 16 year old gal who had dropped into the drain after she had been harassed by young boys and was distracted. She was swept away to her death.
This is the reality here in Timor.

realities of war

girl with red umbrella
Originally uploaded by tumbleweeed.

i know it's Christmas and so I should not be writing depressing stuff. But a recent article in Timor Post that was translated by a colleague caught my eye after he asked me to edit it for grammar and language. I was shocked. So maybe i am ignorant but still saddened.
The article was about children who died during the 24 years of resistance in Timor Loro'sae. A former Falintil guerilla known as 'Bisoi' told the reporter that it was true that during the resistance, some children were killed by their parents. She stressed that this was due to the extenuating circumstances of the war. Bisoi explained that many women had children during the time they were living in the bush and fighting against the occupiers. Sometimes these women had no choice but to either abandon their children when there was absolutely nothing to eat or when the cries of their hungry and traumatised children might lead the enemies to kill the entire troop of guerillas. So it was out of no choice that many put down their own children. SHe revealed this in the Parliament as she was pushing for these children to be recognised as having contributed to the independence struggle.
A frisson of fear ran down my spine as i read the report. I cannot imagine ever being asked to do that. To kill my own flesh and blood. Although Bisoi stressed that the general commander never ordered the children to be killed, it was the overarching goal of winning the resistance that pushed some parents to sacrifice their children. It is so sad. Children are always such innocent victims. What can you do when your baby cries endlessly because your breast has run dry of milk? Oh.. how it must have broken the hearts of those mothers who had to do the unspeakable. ALhtough the war is over, its effects are still being felt here. HOw can a mother ever recover if she had killed her own baby?
Do we know how lucky we are? People who have never known conflict. People who have only experienced war through movies or video games.
The other day we were up in the mountains near Dili when G pointed out to the bushes and said, "look, here's where we slept during the 99 conflict." they slept in the forest, surroudned by coffee trees and bitten by the insects. I never cease to be amazed by their resilience.

THIS NEW YEAR --- let's pray for PEACE on earth. Let's pray that the LOVE we exude may overcome the devil and his games.