Vanity Fair?

Hee.. shameless blowing of the trumpet here! I love this picture from our latest issue... Makes me wish we had subjects like this all the time! Page 35 FYI.

July issue of Challenge!

Open publication - Free publishing - More singapore

Another one in the bag!

Timor retrospect

I have been asked to give a talk this coming Saturday about my time in Timor and I am now just downloading pictures from my Flickr site and refreshing my memory (especially of places with exotic names).

Just posting some pictures (some of them repeated on this blog) as a way to help myself prepare for the talk... (note: do bear in mind, these pics are at least 3 years old so I m not vouching to reflect 100% accuracy as the situation might have improved (?) by now)


Probably the most significant time of my stay in Timor was the civil crisis in 2006. I witnessed the entire meltdown - - from the early tensions to the actual cross fire - - and was up close to the conflict as I was part of the many UN staff trapped in (safety of the)UN compound while gun battles took place outside.

My most vivid memories: a) witnessing dead and injured being carried into the compound and helping out in first aid, seeing people (two friends even) with bullet wounds and treating them b) picking up a bullet that had zinged over our heads and hit the zinc roof above us as we left the "container" offices that we worked in to more cemented/concrete buildings for shelter c) staying overnight in the Unicef office, with the Internet as refuge - blogging away and offending the hell out of the powers to be in Singapore with my angst-filled entries.

For some time after, I could not stop myself from jumping or looking for cover when anything that sounds remotely like mortar firing went off - even back in Sg.


Read original entry here

This goes back to Indonesian times when Timor was still fighting the resistance war, which ended only in 1999.

Soldiers used to send freedom fighters to 'Jakarta' by pushing them over the cliffs, to their deaths. Their wives would be told: "Your husband has gone to Jakarta". To this day, you will still find bones of those who were sent a-flying at the bottom of the cliffs, and many people still stop by Jakarta 1 and Jakarta 2 to pay their respects. It's chilling to imagine that these awful killings happened to a country so near to ours.

The Timorese people remain marked by the 20 year old conflict - you can't help but admire these people who have seen so much death, fighting, resistance, time and time again. It's no wonder that for many - conflict resolution still means settling the problem with a parang or the fist. During Indonesian times, talking didn't do them much good - they saw how the UN stood by as killings continued in the country for some 20 years. When I interviewed two 18-year-olds two years ago for a UNICEF magazine, they pointed out to me that even though they were only 18, they had already seen two major violent crisis in their lives - first in 1999-2000 and then again in 2006.



That's filmmaker Max Stahl (crouching) and Father Maubere taking a shot of him. Both men played important roles in Timor's independence. I know Max's story much better, cos I spent 6 days with him on the (bumpy)roads of Timor when we made a short documentary together for UNICEF in 2005.

Max first began filmming Timor when he and Kirsty Sword (Xanana's wife) were young undercover reporters sent into Indonesian-ruled Timor to unveil the human rights atrocities happening and not being reported. He went back repeatedly, and on November 12, 1991, he was part of the group that the Indonesian soldiers fired upon in close range at the Santa Cruz Cemetery.
Read the Santa Cruz Massacre entry here

Sebastiao Gomes, an 18-year-old boy had been killed two weeks before by the Indonesians at Motael Church while protesting for independence. So on his funeral (12 Nov), a huge group of Timorese had gathered to walk with his coffin to Santa Cruz cemetery, as a sign of protest. Unknown to them, the soldiers had laid an ambush, completely surrounding the graveyard. They fired indiscriminately killing an unknown number of people, injuring foreign reporters as well - who were later, accused by the US govt of fabricating the entire event. Max (who escaped the bullets) had the wherewithal to film and then hide his tape in the ground, surrounding his camera to the soldiers. They destroyed another reel inside the camera, and days later Max returned, dug it up and sent, the first physical proof of the Indonesian's atrocities to the world. This video tape has been credited to be one of the most powerful evidence that demanded politicians to stop pretending that all was fine in Timor. That's why until today, Max is hailed as a hero to the Timorese. He remains in Timor, ever passionate about filmmaking and documenting the country's progress.



Children. They are truly the future of the nation. And it can be quite painful seeing how so many of them may never ever get to realise their full potential. This is the reason why so many NGOs are focused on helping children - in the bid to set things right for the future - lay the right foundation. Very simple it seems: give them nutrition, healthcare, education, and care and you should really not go wrong. But so many things can go wrong. Especially when power-hungry adults get into the picture. During the build up to the 2006 crisis, we saw so many children being "used" during political protests - some were harmed when things turned violent. Each time, the knife seems to cut deeper and I wonder about the scars they suffer.


My entry on Moses


See Moses? He has a slash across his head courtesy of a machete during the 1999 crisis. He will forever be pint-sized too, because of chronic malnutrition.

What's heartening is that I do see more and more of the children of the 1999 violence being given opportunities through scholarships (from the US, Australia and NZ). Many of the Timorese I worked with in UNICEF were so bright and had so much potential. One of them began her "career" as a cleaner at the UN Medical Clinic to becoming the Principal Secretary of the UNICEF representative. Now, she's on a scholarship in NZ studying and i hope, and I think, she will probably become a prominent figure in the near future. So intelligent, so enthusiastic, so resilient. But still, outside Dili, there remains hundred of thousands of children who will not be as lucky. I only pray that with the slow improvements, more will be saved each year....



One of the literacy classes taking place in Gurusa, Quelicai, Baucau (east of Timor) - for those who are not in formal school classes - because they are too old, or can't be spared from chores, or too far away to walk to school....

OKAY, I am waay to sleepy to continue on...

But here's a list of recommended books that I have personally read and enjoyed:

From the Place of the Dead: The Epic Struggles of Bishop Belo of East Timor

Plenty of narrative to bring you back to the days of struggle and also good background on Monsignor Martinho da Costa Lopes who was Bishop Belo's predecessor Read more about him here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martinho_da_Costa_Lopes

East Timor: A Rough Passage to Independence


Jim still remains ever vested about Timor and continues to be active on ETAN (the East Timor Action Network) mailing list, where other notable activists continue to keep the dream alive - - cos independence does not mark the end of the struggle - - the struggle continues to bring the hopes and dreams of Timorese people to reality. Jim's blog: http://jasdunn.bigblog.com.au/index.do

A Woman of Independence: A Story of Love and the Birth of a New Nation

And who can resist reading a tale of activism turned romance? :-) Kirsty describes with much detail how love blossomed between Xanana and her while she acted as undercover, and then helped to hide Timorese activists on the run while working in Indonesia. I really admire Kirsty, having interviewed and spoken to her at length - up at their residence and many times swam with her brood at Hotel Esplanada. She speaks fluent Bahasa and Tetum and really has heart for the people. She founded Alola Foundation and continues to play an active part in empowering women. Stellar woman.

The Crossing: A Story of East Timor

One of my favourite books on Timor: very mystical and gives a great backdrop to the entire superstition of Timor. Beautiful. A must read to understand the Timorese psyche.

Aiight, i am beat. Gotta hit the sack. Good night and Good Luck.

tech dino recommends: edu apps for your kid

So today, we had a photo shoot with babes and mobile devices like the iPad, iPhone, PSP, etc. I wasn't there, cos I was swotting from home, cleaning up stories as a responsible editor should be doing. I called to check on the shoot and was told that there was a 4-year-old who wouldn't tear his eyes away from his iPod Touch the entire time. Scarrieeee....

But to set things in perspective. This tech dino truly believes that it's all in OUR hands - parents I mean. How addicted they get, is really how much we allow them to be. For now, Val's relationship with the iPhone is casual - he sometimes requests for it, and I sometimes allows him to use, at my discretion. It is never a given that he asks and will be given.

To be fair, the device has come in very handy at many occasions - at a fine dining restaurant, it helped to keep the boy seated for 1.5 hours (!!!).

And so, for every naysayer of mobile devices, I think there will always be a supporter.

Here's tech dino's recommendation today: a very simple app that teaches children very quickly shapes.

Toddler Teasers: SHAPES app (Free)

Val learnt what is a hexagon from this app that rewards the children with a virtual sticker for every 3-4 correct answers they get. I like it cos it doesn't say "WRONG!" but it says "try again" and then claps to reaffirm a correct answer. :-) NICE and simple, plus, it's FREE!

Tech Dino: This is why I think children's book apps rock

I went to the Book Fair at Suntec today and spotted a familiar book, "The Smelly Sprout" by Alan Plenderleith. You see, I've had the free version of this story book on my iPhone for about 5 months now. Val was not interested in it at all initially so i never bothered buying the full version. But last week, he began to become interested and has been asking to read the "Smeggy Spout" every night. Of course, my free app ends on a cliffhanger - cos you know, the smart people who developed this app weren't going to let you know the ending for free! But i kinda resisted buying the US0.99 app. Why? No reason. Just wanted to make sure that it wasn't an impulsive buy, cos they do add up!

Anyways, while strolling through the book fair aisles I spotted the physical book and was rather excited at the thought of buying the book. Then i saw the price tag: $9. Okay, 'nuff said. I downloaded the full app tonight, and we had great fun reading it, till the end. :-)

Disclaimer: Yes, I still do love the touch and smell of real books, in case you're wondering. I just think that book apps are cool too!

mirroring

Val's approaching his 2.5 year next weekend and i think now, more than ever, it is becoming very clear how much impact we, adults, have him. He's begun to mirror our actions more obviously, and especially the way we speak, often times with great deliberation, almost like a reproach.

he can imitate his teachers pretty well at school - from Teacher V's "angry" pouting expression, to the way class is conducted. just before he slept tonight, he started talking to me in a vaguely familiar manner - until i realised that he was mimicking me. Gosh! Scaryyyy! and i think he was doing it very much on purpose, as if to drive home a point - yes, mommy is quite the nag. OOOPS. But I'm glad at least i can "see" the mirroring, and thus aware of it.

The other day, it made me really reflect on my actions. You see, brushing teeth is quite the regime for Nazi Mom because i have seen too many kids go around with rotting, yellowed teeth with plenty of brown stains. Many of their parents aren't even aware that they need to brush their kids teeth and that the rotting of milk teeth can have long term impact on their children's future teeth growth. I shudder when i see my nieces' ghastly set of (rotting) teeth - a result of drinking powdered (horribly sweetened) formula milk before going to bed. So I began brushing Val's teeth while he was a mere infant - with cloth at first, and then a mini finger brush, and since he had full set of teeth, a proper baby toothbrush. It was never an issue, until now, when he's not so easily "manipulated" into opening his mouth etc for me to brush.

For two weeks, brushing teeth was getting to be a frustrating exercise for me. The toilet can get rather stuffy inside, especially when you are dealing with a squirmy 2.5 year old. And once i get sweaty, my blood literally boils. So a few times, i got real irritated, i scolded him. Then one day, the lil genius decided that he would like to brush MY teeth and begged to do so. I allowed him to do it with my toothbrush and of course, all he did was to jam my toothbrush into my mouth with much vigour. I had to really struggle not to choke! Then it dawned upon me that no matter how gentle i can be, the very act of brushing his teeth is a personal one, and one that can really encroach upon his own space and privacy.

Go on. Try and get someone to brush YOUR teeth and you will quickly realise what an uncomfortable act it is!

So from that day onwards, I began to see things more differently. First, i am now determined never to let my temper flare in the bathroom - because its a lousy thing to do anyways, and that i don't want him to ever associate tooth brushing with unhappiness. Second, i will be gentle in my approach and let him take the lead, while reminding him that he needs clean teeth or else... a visit to the dentist beckons.

And guess what? Tooth brushing has suddenly lost its edge and tension. What's more, the little boy is surprising me by taking the initiative to slowly get used to an older child's toothpaste that i had recently bought but he had rejected initially. He had been using First Teeth toothpaste (organic) for babies for the longest time, so when i bought Jason's (another organic brand but for older kids), he said it was too "hot", presumably a bit more minty? The past few days, he has asked for a dollop of it on his toothbrush, and been slowly using his finger to introduce bits of it into his mouth. Whenever it gets too "spicy", he would gargle his mouth. Today, he told me, "it's not spicy anymore" in Mandarin, rather proudly. :-) I would never have thought of introducing tooth paste this way. You really gotta give it to him for thinking up this method.

And so, another lesson for this Mommy, who will probably be learning for many years to come!

a rare sort of encounter...

Two hatchlings nestled in a heliconia plant - Kitchen Garden, Pasir Ris Green


I had a magical Friday... much more than Val did. And it's all about a rare encounter of the kampung spirit. See, it's been a long while since I last felt that sense of solidarity, and friendliness that was so familiar in Timor. People are strangers mostly here in our clean, cosmopolitan city. Not in Timor where people knew people, and nobody was a stranger, and you are always an alin(younger sister) or mana (older sister).

We had gone (for the third time!) to Gallop Stables to see the smelly horseys and mingled with the typical family crowd when we chanced upon the Kitchen Garden at Pasir Ris Park - all thanks to Val, who had refused to go home and bolted across the green grass towards the garden.

Hunting for tadpoles but there were none


There, I saw a huge variety of fruit trees and herbs, but more importantly, i met two friendly souls there. One of them Uncle D is in the picture above with Val. They bonded over a water hose after Uncle D showed Val how to water plants, the lil boy was trailing him all around the garden. The kindly old man had so much patience to teach the boy. It was great seeing two complete strangers getting along so well. Credit goes to Uncle D for being so friendly, and remembering Val's name at first mention.

The Kitchen Garden has been around for 12 years - and Uncle D has been volunteering there for just as long. This is his garden almost. He said he and a friend had mooted to the Nparks to create something like this, and the Nparks did. Since then, the retiree has been visiting the garden every single day for 12 years to water the plants, turn the soil, plant new trees etc. Amazing.

We then met Uncle A, an old friend of Uncle D, who had come to bring him some snacks. Without hesitation, the two old fellas shared their hotdogs with us, and we just sat there in a pavilion chatting like old friends for half an hour. Later Uncle A even sent us home in his vintage, dusty BMW.

I am a simple person who appreciates encounters like this one: it restores a lot of faith in people for me. It's been a long while since i last felt this bonding with strangers. This was what I loved about backpacking alone, cos you get lots of it. When you're alone, you are more open to meeting strangers and talking to them.

I was a very trusting sort - I would go out with dinner with strangers as long as I had a good feeling about them. Writing about the two old men reminds me of a memorable encounter in Burma, Christmas Eve 1999, in Mandalay.

A small group of us visited a famous restaurant and was told it was closed cos the family were going for Mass. They invited us back the next evening and when we turned up - we were ushered, seated and food served without us ordering anything. We ate, but with some typical unease - what if we get ripped off, right? The food was great, there was music and everything was merry. Still, our skeptical minds played tricks on us.

In the end, when we finished eating and wanted to pay (prepared for the worst), the restaurant owner, said "Merry Christmas." How wonderful right? This happening in a third world....

Anyways, here are some pictures of our magical day

Apart from wanting to be a dump truck driver, I think Val now rather fancies being a gardener.

Uncle D says if I bring Val back more frequently, he'll train the boy to be a green finger!


The innocence of youth

So free-spirited are the young. We need to keep them so.

I am glad my quest to make my boy an outdoors person seems to be on the right track!


Butterflies are a sign of a thriving ecosystem, they're also particularly attracted to this plant (name i don't know of). Uncle D plans to grow more of them to get the butterflies coming.

a weekend of museums in pics

It rawked!

Val with Walter the Rabbit, a gigantic inflatable wabbit that artist Dawn Ng brought all around Singapore and snapped pictures of - juxtaposing Walter with the HDB flat, MRT tracks, and shophouses. Children's Season at SAM, 8Q

Never mind that he couldn't read those words behind him, he sure was hopping madly away in Walter's garden!

Finally, Mama managed to catch hold of her wabbit.

Val in the enchanted forest...and he saw many other strange stuff like Floribots (flower robots, and ugly dolls)..

Over at the National Museum on Sunday...Val, the typical bloke misses the astounding beauty that flittered and fluttered about him. Sigh...

The Clay Critter that Val and Mama made at the workshop for kids

Instead of colouring the fishes, he took delight in snipping, and shredding them up in pieces.

Thrilled to finally lay hands on adult scissors - you know, the type that actually cuts.

There you go: Milo moment. A perennial fave for all kids. My future daughter-in-law. :-O

Revamped Challenge!

This was what kept me up for nights in March and April!

First issue of revamped Challenge magazine, a bi-monthly publication by the Singapore Public Service Division, Prime Minister's Office.

A pretty cool experience, given that this was a gov mag, there was very lil red tape involved and lots of edgy ideas and bold moves made. Kudos to the PSD editorial team for letting us do what we wanted!

A luta continua - - - to the next issue in July!

His name is Today

“We are guilty of many errors and many faults but our worst crime is abandoning the children, neglecting the fountain of life. Many of the things we need can wait. The child cannot. Right now is the time his bones are being formed, his blood is being made, and his senses are being developed. To him we cannot answer 'Tomorrow.' His name is 'Today.'"

- Gabriela Mistral, Chilean Poet (1889-1957)

Growing up

So i grew up this past week when I finally took the first baby step and made my first trip overseas (sans Val) ever since the babe became part of my life.

It was a weird experience all right. And quite unneccessary. I had planned it as part of a weaning off process - S had told me that if i was set on weaning off Val from comfort sucking, it would have to be a physical separation of at least 3 days. That started the entire planning for an overseas trip - now or later? How about in July when the EWC holds its 50th reunion in Honolulu? Or now, when the mag has just been put to bed? Finally I decided that May was the best time as little Silky babe will pop outta the oven in June and by then the entire household would be topsy-turvy with the arrival of a new babe.

Next, was to find a travelling companion. Yeah sounds utterly strange considering that i was renowned for being a single traveller during my single days. Me - the lone adventurer who could go for months on my own. I still enjoy my own company, thank you very much. But my mom got all emo on me when i suggested i would take off for Bali for 4 days. So apparently once i become a parent, i can't do the whole "irresponsible" single travelling anymore. (whatever. it's a long story).

So who could be duped to go somewhere with me and er... do nothing - cos that was all on my agenda? Luckily i found someone keen to have a chilled out time and we booked our tickets to HK. It was supposed to be Macau but somehow we ended up in HK. And that was not without protests from other friends, who thought that Me - the garang traveller - should never step onto HK cos it's too ...ermmm.... civilised for me. Anyhow, i shrugged their protests aside and decided HK would be just right for being away for 4 nights. We would leave at 6am on Tuesday and return at 11pm on Friday night which means my folks would only have to care for Val during the weekdays (when he goes to childcare the large part of the day), while i return in time for the more intensive weekends. So there, tickets were booked and all set for the great weaning off holiday.

Then on April 18, my sister's one year wedding anniversary, i was suddenly inspired. I just had that feeling I couldn't ignore that today was the day to wean Val off. So I did.

That first night, he cried and wailed inconsolably. I cried too seeing him in that upset state. I even kept apologising to him and had to stop myself from giving in. He fell asleep past 11pm, exhausted from the crying.

The second night, he asked for milk again, and cried and cried. but this time, sick Mommy was actually bemused and could only smile.

The third night, Val decided to be defiant and got angry with me. He scolded Mommy for denying his sustenance. Mommy laughed even more.

The fourth night, the boy decided to try a bit of negotiation. He cajoled Mommy, he pleaded, he turned on his charms, he asked, "Just a little bit? please....." But Mommy was resolute.

The fifth night, he began to see the humour in it all but still held some faint hope. So while he was cracking jokes about it, he still had a glimmer of hope there in his cute eyes.

I think he finally forgot to ask for milk only by the tenth night or so. The greatest reward from all this has to be that from April 18, the lil un hAS NOT woken up at all through the night for any milk or water or whatever. Suddenly, it was like he realised there wasn't any point getting up, and there he was - my lil boy, the one who loved suckling on Mama's milk and loved being held so close - was sleeping truly like an angel for a straight 10 hours. Hallelujah! Praise the Lord indeed!

I never really asked myself if i should have weaned him off earlier. Somehow i have always been an instinctive person. I just knew that day was right for Val and I. I had, of course, been prepping him for that eventuality and had not suddenly announced the stopping of b/m. So by the time i stopped, he knew it was coming. Somehow, I think he is also old enough to understand why.

The funniest thing is that he went back to school and told his teachers that his mommy's boobs are gone that's why he can't have any milk. Today, he asked me where i could look for those missing boobs! Another night, he asked if we could buy some boobs so that he could have milk. It's hilarious.

Totally memorable. And i am totally proud of having suckled him from day 1, December 13, 2007, till April 18, 2010 (last feed was that Sunday afternoon). No regrets at all for having this intense emotional attachment with my son. I am so proud of myself and Val and so thankful for my family for being there throughout my breastfeeding journey to support me - to be there when naysayers tried to encourage me to give up.

Whilst planning the HK trip, i was afraid i might be engorged while being away. So i even emailed my lactation consultant for advice. Of course, i didn't need to do anything although i must say that for at least 10-12 days, i could still express milk if i so wished (i did express some on two occasions to prevent engorgement). It's amazing how the breasts were still able to produce milk after so many days of stopping. It also goes to prove that women in extreme hardships can still lactate because it is really the easiest thing to do - - imagine having to look for hot water to sterilise bottles and make milk during war time! I think this experience gives me something to bring back to the field IF i ever make it back to Unicef in the future.

So anyhow, now that the weaning was over, i thought, hmmm, so should i still go to HK then? I was (and continue to be) filled with Mommy guilt - since i didn't have to go anymore, why was i going? Anyways, with encouragement again, from my wonderful folks who promised not to spoil the kid in the four days i would be away, i decided to take up the gauntlet and get off my ass.

The flight was harder than i thought.

Of all movies UA played, it had to be Blindside. You know the story - about a homeless boy taken in by a family. All that motherly love thingie going on. Suffice to say, i got all emo by it. Thinking of my poor son, who would wake up to find Mama gone for days! Yikes. It was a good thing i was physically on a plane ,away from Val cos i was tempted to just turn around and go home!

That night, i waited in intrepidation for an sms from my Mom. By 1130pm, she smsed to say he was finally asleep, with some crying. The next night, he slept by 10pm, asking for me only ONCE! and so the story goes...

I was happy of course, though a lil miffed, shall i say, that my son asked for me ONCE. A lil bemused too but very impressed by him.

Grandma asked if i had prepared Val for my HK trip - i did. For some nights i had prepared him for it, the same way i had prepared for the weaning. I guess that kinda did the trick. Grandma said she was utterly impressed by how mature Val was - he was able to tell her that i was in HK and that he behaved himself incredibly well for the four nights i was away.

On Sat night, i crept into bed to sleep with my dearest precious package, at 1am. The sight of my darling melted my heart and for the first time in four nights, i was finally able to sleep SOUNDLY again! i had missed his presence in my bed so badly. Missed his little legs all over me, his warm hands draped on my neck, his whole body flung on me in all sorts of odd positions. I had missed all the acrobatics so much that i didn't sleep well :-) or had real difficulty sleeping each night. So that was a relief.

Although at the same time, there was some intrepidation - that when i wake up on Saturday morning, i would have to morph back to being Mommy - that brief four days in HK when my old self had re-emerged will have to hide back again and wait till the next trip (Only GOD knows when! maybe 20 years later!). A little bit of that "Cinderella" feeling - that my pumpkin carriage, glass shoes, and gown would all disappear. Yet, i knew that it was all good. My baby was beside now, and that's all that matters.

The next morning on Saturday morning, the boy woke up. The first thing he did? He asked for his racing car, giving nary a glance at Mommy who was lying there, expecting a bear hug and kisses. !!!!!!! This would be the epitome of unrequited love i tell you! it's a good thing, he's my son and Moms love their kids no matter what. I had to remind him, Hello, Mommy's back. He said, Ya, and started hunting for his cars (!!!). But Grandma knew better - she said, you can see from his entire behaviour that Mommy's back. He was just not the same when Mommy was away. So there.

I couldn't hug and kiss him enough the first hour, as we got ready and left for a great breakfast together followed by music class. Ahh......... the bliss indeed. Thank you Lord for blessing me with this precious precious cargo. I promise to do my best to make sure he gets delivered with the utmost care. Even in a mere four days, he seemed older and more mature. He spoke in Mandarin clearly. I was suddenly seized by the fact that i might have missed something in those four days!

I was going to share a beautiful poem on children and them growing up but can't seem to dig it out! Will do so another post.

Meanwhile, i am going to savour every minute of my boy as he grows up. Nighto.

Val @ 28 months

I used to snap a pic of the pair on every 13th of the month, to mark Val's growth. But kinda lost steam after the first year and when Val became too wriggly for Grandpa to handle. So this is quite a rare moment.


Val studying his late Great Grandma's picture with Grandpa.


Val teasin' Grandpa as usual. This boy is really Grandpa's love of his life at this moment. Grandpa really brightens up when he's with him.


Finally. Grandpa caught hold of Val for a pic! Look at that cheeky expression!

he looked sound asleep

Yesterday morning I bid my farewell to Second Uncle at the hospital. For a moment, Dad and I just stood there not knowing what to do - he had already been covered up. Then Cousin Wilfred very decisively unveiled Uncle. I was taken aback by how much weight he had lost since i last saw him. The cancer had really taken its toil. i stroked his head briefly and said a prayer. Didn't know what else i could do. Then everyone left and i was alone in the room with him. i realised that the look on his face is a familiar one. He just looked like an old person sound asleep, mouth ajar. Peaceful even. I hope he's found his peace now and that our prayers can send him to a better place than this bitter terra that made his last days so hard to bear. Crying hurts my eyes.

no regrets please

Second Uncle passed away this morning. When I heard the news, I was seized by an immense sense of regret and the tears began to flow. Yesterday, my folks had told me that my uncle (who suffered from throat cancer) had slipped into a coma after his condition worsened. When I was about to visit him, I was told his condition had stabilised and that I could visit this evening instead. So I never got to say goodbye.

I was never close to him but I cried more than when my Grandmother died. Why? I think it’s the sense of regret – I could have said goodbye but never. I last saw this bachelor uncle when he was first diagnosed with throat cancer a year ago. Since then, I never visited him in the nursing home even as my elderly dad toiled every week to visit him. Guilty? Yes definitely.

Lesson learnt? Don’t leave what you can do today for tomorrow. If you need to tell someone you love him or her – do it today because you never know when it’s too late.

love hurts

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

~ Neil Gaiman

Saw this on another blog and thought it a wonderful (and poignant) quote to share. I also subscribe to Neil's Tweets so it's doubly nice that way.

a big Challenge

A short post just because I was so inspired by something that a mentor told me today. P, who used to be a record-breaking national swimmer, told me that in face of the multiple challenges that i have, to conquer it like an athlete would: train, practise, work hard and you will put fear in your competition - translate that to what i do: do your homework well, be disciplined and I will meet all my deadlines and even rise above them. I was very encouraged by her spirit - how she brought her star athlete's energy into the workplace and thrived above her mates. I too want to have that kind of gungho to get what i want. I am lucky that i had four years of training as a journalist - you just cannot miss deadlines so that, at least, has been imbibed in me. You can't imagine how pathetic some people are with managing deadlines. As P would say, there's no excuse. I agree.

Ten resolutions for TwentyTen

I had written down this list in FB. Thought i shd replicate it here for posterity sake.

1. Get fit (lose some jiggly fats!)
2. Stay healthy
3. Save $$$$
4. Learn something new
5. Finish reading at least 6 books on my shelf!
6. Exercise greater patience while parenting Val
7. Be more prayerful & bring Val to church more often
8. Keep staying out of gossip circles!
9. Let optimism &... happy thoughts conquer the sad, evil ones!
10.Attend EWC reunion in July!

Hiatus upon us

Lan Lan's flowers for Val

When we were at the playground this evening, a friend's daughter, Lan Lan, played with Val for the first time. She, being 8 years older, was such a sweetie - so nurturing and so caring. She took care of Val as they ran up and down the slope. The boy was cackling non-stop in delight of course. Then they teased mimosas, making them open and shut, and then rolled stones down the slope. As we were about to leave, Lan Lan picked flowers for Val which he brought home carefully in a lil sandcastle making mound. He intoned, "I will put these here for Popo to see." What a beautiful way to end our Sunday. :-)

Anyways, i thought this would also be a fine way to say that a hiatus is upon us for this blog for the coming months. I shd be blogging infrequently because my semester is starting Monday and our company just received another major contract, with the first deadline in May. So things are going to chug ahead at full steam now!

I am trying very hard not to panic at what lies ahead. As history has shown, things always pan out at the end. As long as my wits are about me, and keep faith in the good Lord, things will be just fine. I just have to be super disciplined and anytime spent on the laptop will have to be quality time - err... yes, i mean, as much as possible. Still, i have a sneaking suspicion that i will blog, as way of distraction. Anyways, wish me luck guys! I have three more modules to go - - the one i am tackling this semester is on "Food and undernutrition", another two more to go next semester and 2011! and i will be DONE! then who knows what the future will hold, now that my Masters are in my hands! whooop!

Get in touch the real way

"The Face" by Valente Joseph Lay

These two pieces are probably Val's most "coherent" swirls and scribblings so far. Usually he would make a whole lot of scribbles everywhere but tonight he suddenly seemed to have some "idea" of going in concentric circles, and making all kinds of shapes here and there. The art direction from me was minimal - i suggested that he could change colour, or suggested an empty spot that he might want to add something but this is 99% his. I love that an accidental face emerged from an accidental stroke.

"Swirls" by Valente Joseph Lay

I had actually intended to make postcards with the yellow card - you see, i had recently contacted some of my overseas friends via FB and asked if they would like to be penpals with Val. I thought that since Val would probably grow up surrounded by all things virtual - SMS, Social media networks, emails, skype, video talks, etc - it might be nice to allow something REAL like stamps, letters and postcards to shape his impressionable mind at this age. Most of them responded positively (I presume the rest have not read their FB messages or are hardly ever on it), so we have friends in Seattle, Scotland, Shanghai, Oahu, Jakarta and Bangkok participating in this. Last Saturday, I brought Val to the Tanglin Post office after our music class to grab some stamps. Yesterday I tried to hunt for postcards but could not find any! So i grabbed some remaining art card from the office and decided to make our own. I was planning to get him to scribble, scrawl, do anything he wanted, and then cut them down to size and send them out. But after seeing his stuff, I feel it'd be a shame to cut it down. I think I'll send it out to one of the penpals instead. Hope to get more art card next week and let the lil guy and his markers loose on them!

The Rare Visitor

Val having a "conversation" with Uncle J about his rock

It was very serendipitous I must say. Sometime in May or June 2009, I interviewed an architect on their ION Orchard project and that guy passed me a small booklet that had mug shots of his staff. I looked and did a double take when I saw a familiar face - a friend from JC whom I had not seen in 16 years! My interviewee was equally surprised and hooked us both up via email. So i wrote to say hi to J who is now based in Shanghai, and an intermittent conversation started from there on.

When J was back in Singapore briefly, I brought Val out to meet Uncle J, who really really lived up to his self-professed reputation for having a knack for kids. Of course, it helped that there was some ice-cream to break the ice! But I must say the pair got on roaringly well. I think it helped that I had shown Val Uncle J's picture before they met cos I was afraid that his beard might scare the lil boy. I think that early picture introduction worked really well - so well, that by the end of our outing, Val even dared to touch the scraggly beard and give the uncle a peck on his cheek! So Kudos to you, Uncle J!

Since this guy is a rare visitor I thought I shd commemorate the occasion with some (crappy iPhone) pictures here of our sweltering hot afternoon out at Pasir Ris Park - which in my opinion is an absolutely fab place to bring an energetic 2 year old!

Where else do we start but at Val's favourite fire engine???


The driver and his over-sized passenger

Wasn't before long that Val ventured into the murky Pasir Ris waters. Urgg...

Contemplation...Hmm... shd we dash in?

Dippy toes and fingers! But Val still got incredibly sandy and wet! We sure weren't prepared to swim, not in Pasir Ris waters!


Never easy to say goodbye to the sea when you're having a great time! But lil fella, it's time to get out!